


NIGHT'S EYE: SHATTERED STARLIGHT

by KALEIDOZCOPEZ



Series: Night's Eye [3]
Category: Night's Eye (Series), Warriors - Erin Hunter
Genre: Animal Death, Dark Thoughts, Dead kits, Descriptions of gore and nightmares, Emetophobia, Emotional Abuse, F/F, F/M, Graphic descriptions of rotting corpses, Head trauma, Intentional Misgendering, M/M, Maggots, Manipulation, Nightmares, Referenced child grooming, Referenced pedophillia, Self-Harm, Transphobia, horror imagery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-31
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-08-11 15:31:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 27,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16478180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KALEIDOZCOPEZ/pseuds/KALEIDOZCOPEZ
Summary: After the bear attack, Drownpaw must learn how to deal with her newfound scars, both emotional and physical. She seeks support from a dark force, watching Nightgaze climb to power with her aid. Regretful, she seeks refugee in the heart of her friends who are also coping with their trauma in their own ways, but he isn’t letting her go that easily.-WRITTEN BY CHARMINQ AND KALEIDOZCOPEZ.New chapters every Tuesday and Friday.





	1. PROLOGUE

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Warriors by Erin Hunter.  
> This novel has graphic depictions of violence and extreme gore as well as manipulation and dark, heavy themes. Please read with caution and remember - We do NOT condone or support any of our characters actions or choices. We are very against what questionable and wrong things our characters do.

Starclan was far different than what Dustflight had imagined.

How long has she been here now? Days? Weeks? There was no way to track the passage of time here, and it messed with her more than she'd like to admit. _And I haven't seen a single cat since I arrived..._ Was Starclan’s territory really that big?

Her tail lashed with frustration. _Everyone’s told that Starclan is a gorgeous territory filled with all of our dead loved ones. But was that all a lie? Does anyone actually know what it’s really like?_ She sat down with a quiet thump, looking at the lush grass. Her heart ached with longing, as well as a stinging bitterness as she remembered Nightgaze's taunting final words to her: _“You want to see Rockclaw again, right?”_ She huffed. _That lying foxheart. And to think he's still down there, and no one knows what he's done…_ She sank her claws into the fluffy grass.

But this was no time to reminisce about her death. Dustflight stood, and began to trot further into the field. She had a plan. She would find Rockclaw, and the other Starclan cats. From there, she would send a sign. _I refuse to stand by and let Nightgaze get away with what he's done. He’s a menace to the clans! He needs to be stopped, somehow, I have to do someth-_

Dustflight skidded to a halt. There was another cat. An elegant grey tabby, strolling through the tall grass. “Hey!” she called out suddenly.

The cat turned, and Dustflight flinched backwards. Their eyes were _white._ There was no emotion in them, but she could clearly see her own frightened reflection. She wanted to turn away, but… _This is the first cat I’ve seen here. They’ll do._ She ran to the cat, unable to look directly at their face. “Have you - Have you seen a grey tom? He’s a spotted tabby - I’ve been looking everywhere for him since I died and you’re the first cat I’ve seen here, can you help me?” The words came tumbling out of her mouth. She was desperate, she needed to know what was going on and she needed to see her mate again. _I just miss him so much…_

The cat gave no response. “Please, I'm begging you! I need to find him!” Dustflight cried. She finally lifted her head to look at the blank-eyed cat’s face, but she saw something even more jarring than the white eyes from before. She didn't just see _her_ reflection now, but that of another behind her. A grey spotted tabby, yet as her eyes adjusted she could see - this cat was smaller than Rockclaw, paler, with white markings…

“Stonepaw!” Dustflight whipped her head around to see her son, further away in the field. She dashed off immediately to him, her confusion and bewilderment fading into despair as she realized that her son was dead. As she neared she could see gashes that tore deep into his flesh - his eye was sliced apart and the remains of his tail was only a shredded stump. She was approaching on his blind side, so it took a moment for him to realize what was happening. As he turned to see her he broke into a sprint, a smile on his face, but it fell as he realized that she, too, had died.

The young cat almost crashed into her, and instantly Dustflight began to smother him with licks, cleaning up his face all while letting out the strongest purr. Less than a moon ago Stonepaw would've struggled and whined, but now he couldn't get close enough to her as he buried his muzzle into her thick fur. “I tried,” he whispered.

“I know. You did wonderfully.” Dustflight couldn't pull herself away from him. The bittersweet feeling was almost too much to handle - she missed him so much, but seeing him here, like this… “I'm so sorry, Stonepaw.”

“It's my fault, I thought - I wanted to help…” She felt him stiffen against her, and he lifted his head to meet her gaze. It broke her heart to look into his eyes; one youthful yet haunted by the pain he had witnessed, the other only red, torn, and sightless. “Mom, why are you here?” he asked.

Dustflight’s blood ran cold at the question, and suddenly she was thrust back into her memories, how she believed she would be healed but instead Nightgaze had _poisoned_ her, how he grinned sadistically as her body was wracked with pain filled tremors, how she could feel her body shutting down as she lost her mind from the pain ripping her apart. “I was murdered,” she mewed simply. “The Stormclan medicine cat, Nightgaze, poisoned me.” Her body trembled as she struggled to hold her composure. “He's a truly evil cat, Stonepaw -”

Dustflight was cut off by the scene in front of her, and she stared at her son in horror. He was _fading._ His eyes were stretched wide and he was clearly meowing in panic, but she couldn't hear a word. “Stonepaw!” she yowled, trying to paw at him but she went through his translucent pelt. “Stonepaw!”

And then, he was gone. Dustflight looked around. She was alone again.


	2. CHAPTER 1

“So, where do we go from here?”

Drownpaw turned to look at the cat that had spoken, Hopepaw. “She doesn't live up to her name anymore” was a thought that went through everyone's heads, but no cat was cruel enough to say it to her face. But truly, there was no hope left in the golden she-cat. Hopepaw may have physically survived their perilous mission a quarter moon ago, but it was clear that her spirit had been thoroughly destroyed.

“We can’t carry on as if nothing happened,” she continued. Her words were matter-of-fact, but her tone and expression were hollow.

“And we can’t just sit and mope like this, either.” Drownpaw spoke abrasively, earning a somewhat harsh look from Hopepaw. “They wouldn’t want us to,” she added, quieter.

“And I suppose you’re doing fine, yourself,” was all the she-cat replied. The fresh wounds on Drownpaw’s face throbbed with pain, and she let out a soft huff of defeat.

“The warriors ceremonies are happening tomorrow,” Deadpaw murmured. The way he carefully chose his words showed how hesitant he was about including himself with the others.

Drownpaw blinked at him sympathetically. Twilightstar had come to the four apprentices the previous day with the announcement, but the whole time she refused to meet Deadpaw’s gaze. It was painfully obvious that their leader had reservations about making him a warrior due to his broken leg.

“What do you think our names will be?” Drownpaw asked, licking her paw and drawing it over her face. Blood stained her fur after she pulled it down.

“I don’t know, but if I get a name it’d probably be something like ‘Deadleg,’” Deadpaw joked. He cracked a smile but a bitter sadness remained in his eyes.

“Twilightstar wouldn’t be that cruel,” Drownpaw snorted. _Would she? Our prefixes are already hard to work with._ She thought back to when she had first learned of her name. A bitter reminder of the storm that almost killed her and her brother. _Maybe if I had drowned, none of this would’ve ever happened,_ she thought darkly.

“What do you think your name will be, Rainpaw?” Hopepaw asked.

The spotted she-cat was laying away from the others, head down but eyes still open. At Hopepaw’s question she twitched, and her ears flattened. “I don’t know,” she whispered tersely, and turned her head.

Drownpaw bit her lip. This wasn’t a new behavior. When they had first become apprentices, she had acted the same way - cold, isolated, and aloof. Being so hastily shoved away by her clanmate caused Drownpaw’s feelings of animosity to fester, but now she was older, wiser. Not only knowing of but being apart of the incident that had caused Rainpaw’s current shutdown made her feel more sympathetic to her former nemesis.

“Well… I was thinking,” Hopepaw prodded the sprigs of grass before her “that we could take on the names of our fallen clanmates.”

“Huh?” Deadpaw’s ears pricked, and he sat up quickly.

“It wouldn’t be conventional, but I think it would be a good way to honor them,” Hopepaw continued on, barely flicking her ear at Deadpaw’s outburst. “I would be Hopeberry, Deadpaw would be Deadsky, Rainpaw would be Rainmeadow -”

“And I would be named Drownstone.” Drownpaw’s throat tightened. She didn’t know how to feel - Hopepaw said this would _honor_ them? _If anything it seems_ disrespectful _to take their names like this._ She couldn’t tell if the others were thinking the same or not; they were completely silent, but with a second glance she noticed that Rainpaw’s ears were perked up.

“It’s only a suggestion,” Hopepaw pointed out, looking off to the side almost awkwardly. “We don’t all have to, but I was thinking that I would at least -”

“I think it’s a good idea,” Rainpaw meowed suddenly. The others turned to look at her. “I think… it would make us feel closer, that even though they’re gone…” She trailed off, and suddenly she clammed up again, back to the distant, shell-shocked cat from before. “I don’t know. I’m doing it,” she finished.

“I… I might too.” Deadpaw’s thoughtful look held a bleakness within. He was staring down at his paws as if something else was there. “Maybe… it’ll help? Even though thinking about him hurts so bad…” His body shivered, and Drownpaw was alarmed to see that he was holding back tears.

“Deadpaw…” she whispered, standing up to head over.

“No! No, it’s ok.” He sniffed and pawed at his eyes. “I’m good. I’m fine - I’m gonna do it.” He looked back up at Hopepaw. “It’d be a good name, anyways.” He glanced back at Drownpaw, and with dismay she noticed Rainpaw and Hopepaw doing the same.

“I don’t - I don’t know,” she stammered, feeling put on the spot. “Maybe, I mean…” She felt so conflicted. The others really felt like it would be a good thing to do, but to her it felt so _wrong…_ but maybe they were right? She didn’t understand their reasoning exactly, but maybe she was looking at it the wrong way. Ignoring the pit in her stomach, she nodded. “Fine. I’ll do it too.”

“Alright then.” Hopepaw didn’t look accomplished; she looked more or less the same, but her fluffy tail was brushing against the ground slowly. “I’ll talk to Rushstar and Twilightstar about it tomorrow. Let’s just get some rest.”

* * *

“Drownpaw!” Deadpaw yowled, and Drownpaw jumped up with a hiss. The first thing she noticed was that her face stung, a _lot._ She had to tilt her head so the blood wouldn’t drip into her eyes. “I _really_ think you should see Tangleclaw about that.” Her brother was staring worriedly at her.

“I’m fine,” Drownpaw lied. Truthfully, the scratches bothered her more than she’d like to admit. At the beginning she didn’t realize she was causing them; she blamed thorns in her nest, or her facial scars from the bear being irritated. But one morning she woke up with Deadpaw hurriedly shaking her and her claws sunken deep into the skin of her face. It wasn’t an intentional thing, she repeatedly insisted to Antfoot and Tangleclaw. She didn’t even know what was causing it. There was truly nothing she could do, so she had given up trodding to the medicine den each morning for herbs. No use wasting supplies on wounds that would come right back the next day.

“Okay, well if they get infected you better believe I’m dragging you over to Tangleclaw,” Deadpaw meowed as he stretched.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Drownpaw barely smiled. Her eyes drifted down to her paws, stained lightly with her own blood and she nearly retched at the sight. Squeezing her teary eyes shut, she stood up quickly, legs shaking.

Hopepaw blinked at Drownpaw as she stepped outside the den, but said nothing. Drownpaw couldn’t read her expression - no one could, not anymore. There was nothing, no light in her eyes, she realized. No smile gracing her face like there used to be.

Further away, closer to the warriors den, Drownpaw could see Rainpaw talking to her father. She couldn’t hear what they were saying, but she could see pride mixed with sorrow in the blue-gray tom’s eyes. He moved closer to nuzzle her cheek, but the she-cat flinched, and then realizing what had happened, pressed her head against his neck tearfully. She pulled away and slowly padded to the others, head hanging.

“I think they’re going to start the ceremony soon,” Deadpaw mumbled. Drownpaw followed his gaze. He was staring at his broken leg, a dreading look on his face.

“They’ll make you a warrior,” Drownpaw reassured, her voice a bit forced. “They wouldn’t keep you an apprentice forever.” Deadpaw only looked at her, not looking comforted.

“What is he doing,” Rainpaw hissed softly.

Drownpaw turned her head to look at her. She was staring straight at Nightgaze, and the fur on her back was spiked. _He’s a creep, but I don’t understand why she’s so on edge,_ Drownpaw thought. The black tom was speaking to the Moonclan leader, Silentstar. She could see the ancient tabby’s eyes widen and his head turn sharply to Twilightstar, who seemed to be oblivious.

After a few final words Nightgaze stepped away, and Silentstar was left staring at nothing for a moment before he went to join the other leaders. _What could he have been saying?_ Drownpaw had heard rumors about the old leader; he was the oldest cat in all of the clans, a strict enforcer of the code, and as she heard her mentor put it in a not so generous way, “a complete lunatic.” His eccentric reaction to Nightgaze’s words may have only just been a symptom of his madness, but she wasn’t entirely convinced that was the case.

She was shaken from her thoughts as Rushstar leapt onto a tree and clawed her way onto a high, thick branch. The other leaders followed, and Drownpaw didn’t miss how Silentstar remained further from the others.

“Let all cats old enough to catch their own prey join beneath the Highbranch for a meeting of the clans!” Twilightstar yowled. Cats padded out of their dens into the clearing, and Drownpaw stiffened as it became packed with cats. _Starclan, we better get our territories back soon…_

“As you know, the apprentices of our clans had left on a journey to rid us of the bear that had stolen our homes. It was foolish -” Drownpaw could feel Twilightstar’s piercing gaze bore into her. “- but it was brave, and we cannot ignore the amount of loyalty and determination that these young cats have.”

_It’s really happening… the moment I’ve been waiting for my whole life._ Drownpaw could feel a spark of happiness light up inside her, but it dimmed as she glanced at the others beside her. This isn’t right. _Skypaw, Meadowpaw, Berrypaw, and Stonepaw should be here too…_ As she looked up at her leader she could tell that Twilightstar was thinking the same thing.

“Hopepaw, Rainpaw, Drownpaw, and Deadpaw,” she began. Drownpaw felt her brother straighten up beside her. “Do you promise to uphold the warrior code and to protect and defend your clan, even at the cost of your life?”

“I do,” the apprentices echoed.

“Then by the powers of Starclan, we give you your warrior names,” Rushstar meowed. “Hopepaw, from this moment on -”

“Actually, we’ve decided to choose our names,” Hopepaw interrupted. The cats behind her gasped, but she didn’t take her gaze off her leader. “If that’s alright.”

Rushstar stared at her in surprise, but nodded her head. “Very well.”

Hopepaw turned to face the others, her stance strong and gaze determined. “From this moment on, I will be known as Hopeberry.”

“And I, Deadsky,” Deadpaw added, standing and limping to stand beside her.

“Rainmeadow.” Rainpaw barely lifted her head.

Drownpaw didn’t move, didn’t flinch, even when she felt the eyes of her clanmates burning holes into her scruff. Her eyes stayed squeezed shut as her head hung low. It shouldn't be her; Stonepaw should be here. They should all be here. She’s replacing him. Her head snapped up, eyes wide with fury and hatred as she glared at the leaders. The aggression startled them somewhat, despite it not being aimed at them. She was furious with herself, bitter with what she caused. Her mouth curled into a vicious snarl, ready to attack something that she couldn't see. Nobody had ever seen her this angry, and all that pent up frustration came from nothing but her self loathing. Her pupils reduced to slits as she boomed out her new name; “Drownstone.”

Beside her, Rainmeadow lifted her head, fearfully staring at Drownstone. Of course, she had seen Drownstone become more cold, reserved and angry at the world around her when they were younger, but nothing… nothing compared to the pure self hatred she radiated, nor the venom drenching her words. Nothing had ever made her so angry. She was tearing herself apart piece by piece and making no attempt to fix what she had done. Her eyes locked onto Rainmeadow’s, and for the first time in a while, she could see that Rainmeadow seemed genuinely worried about her former companion. Drownstone scoffed, quickly pushing herself up onto all fours. Her expression didn’t change as she stared up at her leader, eyes glazed with pure anger. “Becoming a warrior is something every kit looks up to,” Drownstone growled suddenly. “We train so hard, we go through so much to give back to our clan.” Her eyes flickered across the cats on the branch above her. “But what is it worth? All we do is train to replace our clanmates, and then get replaced later on.” Her head was pounding; she couldn’t feel anything but the hot sting of anger smothering the grief and fear she felt. “There’s no point to any of this!” she cried out. “This is nothing more than a _punishment!”_ Drownstone spat, and she could feel tears welling in her eyes. She spun around, fur bristling as she pushed through the crowd of cats, claws digging into the sand to keep a good clawhold. The three new warriors stared helplessly as she stormed out of the camp.


	3. CHAPTER 2

For an uncomfortable amount of time, there was silence. Deadsky didn’t know how to react. The exhilaration of becoming a warrior was already underwhelming, and now Drownstone had snapped, lashing out at her leader and clan before running off. _I should go after her…_ Deadsky stood, and great _Starclan_ he didn’t think he would ever get over the sheer despair that overcame him every time he felt his broken leg drag uselessly against the dirt. He began to slowly walk after his littermate but stopped as Rushstar cleared her throat.

“...Moving on,” the she-cat meowed awkwardly. “Silentstar and I have decided to also give names to our fallen apprentices.” Her voice became thick with emotion. “Even though they never had the chance to complete their training, we still believe that their bravery shouldn’t go unrewarded. They have learned the warrior code, and have given up their lives for their clans. Let Starclan received these four as Meadowshine, Berrysplash, Skyleap, and Stonefoot.”

The cats all remained silent for a moment. Deadsky’s throat tightened. _Skyleap… that’s a great name for him._ Despite everything the pale tom had been through, he always had a smile on his face and laughter in his eyes. He made everyone laugh and lifted their spirits, even though his own wasn’t high. Deadsky had barely known him before their journey together, but they had such a connection and truly, he had never felt happier than when he was beside him. _And now he’s gone._ He was fishing in Starclan, playing with his littermates. _He’s happy there,_ Deadsky thought hollowly, _but I can’t help but wish he was here with me._

He was so buried in his thoughts that he didn’t notice the clans cheering out their new names, and he didn’t notice the tears that were spilling down his face. “Deadsky?” came a voice. He looked up. Raggedcliff stood before him. Skyleap’s adoptive dad. His cheery aura was long gone, destroyed by the realization that his kits didn’t make it back alive. Now he only looked tired, worn. But there was concern in his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” the scarred tom whispered.

Deadsky tried to respond, but his voice caught in his throat. He could only sob as he pressed his face against Raggedcliff’s chest.

* * *

Nightgaze’s expression was blank. He didn’t appear to care, or to be thinking about anything in particular, but his mind was busy analyzing the new warriors. _Deadsky just completely broke down there. Didn’t think he was the type. Hopeberry just looks_ dead. _More like “Hopeless”berry._ He barely held back a snicker before his gaze moved on to Rainmeadow. _Looks just like he did a few moons ago. But you’ve always been like this, haven’t you, Rainmeadow?_ He let out a soft “hmph”, and slinked away from the gathered cats. No one stopped him or even looked his way, and for that he was glad.

He lowered his head to the ground, trying to find paw prints and pick up scents. Soon he found what he was looking for and began to follow the trail. After a moon of staying in the new territory, he was able to navigate and comfortably travel through the forest. As the trees grew sparse, Nightgaze stopped, and looked out before him. Drownstone was hunched over in the shadows. He was able to hear her soft cries from where he stood. Slowly, he began to make his way towards her.

Drownstone immediately jumped up as the tom approached her, tears staining her scarred face. She obviously didn't expect him, and it took a moment for the fur on her back to flatten. "What do you want," she growled. Her eyes were narrow with distrust.

Nightgaze blinked, ears lowering. “I wanted to congratulate you,” he spoke quietly, worry coating his tone. “I don’t mean any harm, you know,” he added, continuing to let his paws take him towards the snow white cat cloaked in shadow. _Ironic,_ he thought.

Drownstone stared at him, and sat back down. "I know," she murmured. Her body wilted, shoulders lowering and head hanging. "I can't believe I did that," she whispered. "I shouldn't have said all that - I messed up. It's just... hard. It's hard to deal with all of this."

“Don’t apologize,” Nightgaze replied. “I understand completely. You’re right, you know.” He spoke, sitting at her side, “when I got my name, it felt like a curse; like a punishment.” The word ‘curse’ came out of his maw with an unnerving amount of malice, eyes narrowing. “You say the things nobody else is brave enough to. You’re the warrior our forsaken clans need.”

Drownstone blinked at him, looking at him with interest. "You... really think so?" She sounded almost skeptical.

Nightgaze nodded. “I’m certain,” he replied, his gaze soft.

"...Thank you." She let out a soft huff, and looked at the grass. "You aren't so bad, I guess. I mean, you tried to help us. With those herbs." There was a faraway look in her eyes, like she was reminiscing her journey.

“That I did,” Nightgaze murmured. An idea clicked inside his head, one that tugged at the corners of his mouth. “You know, I knew this would all happen. I knew you wouldn’t all return.”

_"What?"_ There wasn't anger in her voice, not at first. It was soft, disbelieving. The fur on her back gradually spiked as his words sunk in. She jumped to her paws and turned to face him, her eyes wide with outrage. "Why didn't you say anything?! Why didn't you stop us?!" She was trembling now. "They would still be here if you did!"

Nightgaze kept a calm demeanour, yet his eyes flicked back and forth, avoiding eye contact. He forced himself to feign embarrassment, attempted to look ashamed though he felt far from it. “Listen, Drownstone, I _tried._ I told Twilightstar, she didn’t listen. I thought -” He sighed. “I thought I could help by giving you herbs so you didn’t get tired. Everyone thought I was crazy, I don’t think you would’ve believed me at the time either.”

Slowly, the anger left Drownstone's expression. Now she just had the same despairing look on her face as she did when she had returned with the other survivors. Nothing but defeat and grief in her eyes. "You're right," she whispered. "I wouldn't have. I'm sorry, this wasn't your fault."

“That’s a first.” Nightgaze spoke flatly. Drownstone cocked her head in confusion, and Nightgaze scoffed. “Everything’s always my fault,” he explained with a twitch of his whiskers. “Twilightstar did this,” he sighed, turning away, his expression contorting into something like regret. “Is Rainmeadow doing alright? He - she hasn’t been talking to me.”

Drownstone blinked. “She’s, well...” She let out a huff. “I’m the wrong person to ask that. We haven’t had a pleasant conversation in moons. But… this was really hard on her. On all of us. We’re all suffering, but she was _really_ close with Meadowshine…” The albino she-cat trailed off. Nightgaze could tell she was hesitant to elaborate, but he could put the pieces together.

“They were seeing each other, weren’t they?” he said bluntly, eyes barely narrowing.

Drownstone nodded. “Yeah… for a while, too.”

Nightgaze let himself smile somewhat, very subtly. “I see. Perhaps it was Starclan’s doing? It is against the code, you know how they feel about it being broken,” his voice was low, quiet, almost a purr of amusement. “It’s a shame, nonetheless. Meadowshine would of made a beautiful warrior, a strong one too.”

“Would Starclan really do that?” Drownstone looked sickened, horrified. But it was obvious that his words were sinking in for her. “Was the bear sent to punish us?” she whispered. Nightgaze found himself nodding, eyes shut.

“Starclan is not what it’s told to be, I’m afraid.” Nightgaze murmured his response. Now, Nightgaze looked regretful, hurt, but learning to lie is crucial. To be honest, what he says about Starclan is the truth, but what comes next is not. “I’m very sorry for your loss, Drownstone. I know how much Stonefoot meant to you.”

Drownstone winced at the mention of the fallen cat. “Yeah,” was all she could choke out. She stared at her paws for a long amount of time before finally clearing her throat. “You should get back to camp,” she whispered. Nightgaze nodded, pushing himself off the ground. As she glanced up at him silently, he could see a new respect for him in her eyes. _She trusts me,_ he realized, shifting his paws so he could begin his walk back to camp.

“You must be staying because of the vigil?” Nightgaze asked gently, watching the albino warrior’s head sway in a nod. “Well, I won’t keep you, then,” he purred, and with a flick of his tail, Nightgaze let his paws guide him back towards the camp. The moment he padded inside the walls, he let his gaze rake up the branch where the leaders originally stood. His eyes narrowed, fur standing on end somewhat. Like a snake would, he smoothly made his way to the tree, up the trunk, and into Twilightstar’s den. It smelled strongly of owls, he noted as he wrinkled his nose. Twilightstar lifted her head, narrowing her eyes at her brother as he stepped in. Instinctively, he bared his teeth before relaxing. He inhaled deeply, moving towards Twilightstar to sit down. The gesture felt out of place for them. Normally, siblings would have no issues taking a seat beside one another.

“What did I miss while I was out?” Nightgaze asked calmly, catching his littermate off guard as she sat up. She blinked, narrowing her eyes hesitantly before lifting her head.

“Rushstar assigned one of her warriors, Scarletfrost, as the new medicine cat of Breezeclan. She’ll be trained by the rest of you,” Twilightstar meowed flatly. Nightgaze nodded as he focused on her.

“It’s about time Breezeclan got it together and picked a cat,” the sleek black tom replied, his focus travelling to the two other leaders outside on the largest branch, speaking quietly. His ears perked, a smile tugging at his muzzle but he fought it back. “I assume Silentstar had a say? He’s really off his rocks when it comes to tradition. After all, Starclan chooses which cat is best, correct?”

“I… suppose, yes.” Twilightstar’s eyes narrowed suspiciously. “What exactly are you getting at? Why are you speaking with me?”

Nightgaze blinked, tilting his head, a smile finally playing across his face. “Why so cold? I can’t have a normal conversation with my sister?” He grinned, sharp teeth glinting in the shine of the moon. His grin widened ever so slightly as he saw the leaders storm over to them.

Twilightstar stared at him, unsettled. “No, but why _are_ you? I don’t want to speak with you, Nightgaze.”

“But I want to speak with you.” Nightgaze snarled, eyes refocusing on his sister. “I was just out with Drownstone, you know. She needed a break, and I realize how devastated these cats are that you let kits die. All because you didn't listen to me. I suggest you change, or a fate similar to that little frail cat from Breezeclan may be yours, Twilightstar.”

Twilightstar took a moment to process what he had said, claws slowly digging into the dirt. “You… killed her?” Her voice was soft, confused, before she snarled. “I’ll have you exiled immediately for this!” The black she-cat shrieked, eyes filled with horror.

Nightgaze’s expression changed to one of pure amusement, eyes softening as the grin came back. “You’re in no place to do so. Tell me how it feels to _never_ be trusted again.” Nightgaze growled out coldly. Before Twilightstar could reply, a loud voice boomed from behind her.

_“Twilightstar!”_ Silentstar roared out, and the black she-cat had barely any time to react before the elderly tabby came barreling towards her, Rushstar on his heels. She fell back with a yowl of surprise, but easily shoved him off. Silentstar’s paws skidded against the floor of the den, and he bared his teeth in a snarl.

“What is the meaning of this?!” Twilightstar snapped, the fur on her back spiked.

“Silentstar!” Rushstar hissed out, before turning to look at the Stormclan leader with an almost pleading expression. “Tell him - tell _us_ it isn’t true.”

_“What_ isn’t true?!” Twilightstar was shaking from both confusion and outrage. “Why did you attack me?” she demanded.

“Nightgaze told us you _knew_ the apprentices would leave!” Silentstar snarled. “You sat by and did nothing - you _let_ them die! You let _my grandkits_ die!”

“Ah - I -” Twilightstar’s eyes grew round with horror, and dread. Nightgaze was grinning like a maniac at the scene that was unfolding.

“But it’s not true! I was trying to tell him this - Silentstar, you can’t just trust him so easily!” Rushstar turned to him, staring up at him worriedly. “Twilightstar wouldn’t do that!”

“Oh, but she would,” Nightgaze couldn’t help but add in, smirking as Rushstar spun around to stare at him. “Tell them, _sister.”_

“I…” Twilightstar’s ears were flat against her head. “It’s true,” she whispered. “I didn’t - I thought -”

“You didn’t _trust_ me,” Nightgaze growled, stalking around her. “And look how that ended up! You should be thankful that you didn’t lose your own apprentices to that beast!”

The silence that fell over the den was deafening. Rushstar looked sick; she turned her gaze onto Twilightstar, but for the first time it was full of distrust. “Why _didn’t_ you lose any of your apprentices?” she asked quietly.

“I-It was a coincidence - why are you acting as if I’m guilty for all of this?” Twilightstar protested, looking absolutely terrified.

“Because you are!” Silentstar screeched. “You -” His eyes widened. “You _planned_ this, didn’t you?! You wanted them to die - you wanted to _weaken_ us! You let my grandkits die! You let a _kitten_ die, for power!”

_“That’s not true!”_ Twilightstar screamed back, but Nightgaze could see that she knew she was losing. She turned to the third leader. “I would never do that! Rushstar - _please!”_

Rushstar was staring at her, looking heartbroken. Betrayed. “Stonepaw had just become an apprentice,” she meowed quietly. And then she glared at Twilightstar, hatred burning in her eyes. “You need to tell the clans what you’ve done before Sunhigh, or Starclan _help us_ you’ll be sorry.” She turned and stormed out of the den. Silentstar let out a final hiss before following. Twilightstar’s surprised and terrified gaze made its way to Nightgaze, who sat grinning with amusement.

“I hope you like how it feels, or else you’re gonna have to get used to it,” Nightgaze purred, the rumbling in his chest growing as he finished, _“sister.”_


	4. CHAPTER 3

Drownstone was blinking furiously by the time the vigil was over, focusing on the faint light rising over the horizon. She didn't realize she made it back to camp until she nearly ran into Rainmeadow. Taking a moment to regain her bearings, she whipped her head up to say something snappy to the grey warrior, only for her attention to be captured by Twilightstar standing on the highbranch. Drownstone’s gaze wandered to Silentstar, who sat quite a distance away from the black she-cat, his head pointedly turned to face away from her. Rushstar, on the other paw, was sitting in her normal spot, yet her usually determined eyes were drained of their persistence, replaced with something numb and hollow. Drownstone let a small sigh escape her before she turned to face her clanmate again.

“Any idea what’s going on?” Drownstone asked flatly, and Rainmeadow blinked a few time, as if in disbelief that Drownstone was being somewhat kind to her.

“I’m just as clueless as you are,” Rainmeadow replied, her tail twitching. The clearing had an abundance of cats by now, all muttering in confusion, obviously as lost as the two warriors. Drownstone carefully sat down, her eyes returning to Rainmeadow. She found herself huffing in annoyance at how she was slightly shorter than Rainmeadow when she sat down, but her train of thought derailed when Twilightstar’s broken voice echoed throughout the camp.

“You all must be very confused and tired,” Twilightstar began, and Drownstone didn’t miss how her voice wavered anxiously. “I have something I must admit.” The leaders words made Rainmeadow tense beside Drownstone, and a wave of anxiety flushed through the white she-cat’s body. Twilightstar’s eyes travelled from stubborn Silentstar over to the reserved Rushstar, before returning hesitantly to the sea of cats before her.

“Nightgaze, the Stormclan medicine cat, had received a warning about the apprentices plan, as well as their future. I disregarded it -” her eyes met with someone else's, and Drownstone turned to see Nightgaze holding steady eye contact with his sister, “- and because I did, the apprentices had to suffer. I am truly sorry for my actions, I -” Twilightstar’s hollow voice was cut off by furious yowls and questions rising from the clans, and she flinched, stepping backward. In what seems to be a moment of pure panic, she clambered off of the branch, back into her own den, her fur spiked. The yelling continued.

_Too much noise,_ Drownstone decided wearily. In the back of her mind, she was unspeakably angry with her leader, and she knew it should leak through at a time like this, yet… She was just _annoyed_. She found herself sitting there for a few moments longer, feeling angry cats pushed past her and nearly toppled her over. She pushed herself to her paws, and realizing just how exhausted she felt, shoved her way through the crowd to the den she shared with the others, growling at cats who pushed back despite knowing her hypocrisy.

The atmosphere shifted inside. It was calm, warm, cozy. Then she saw Rainmeadow. She blinked a few times, unsure of how Rainmeadow had snuck past her and ended up here before her. “How did you-” Drownstone started, before shaking her head. It was only Rainmeadow and Drownstone in here, and it felt awfully empty all of a sudden.

“I never did get the chance,” Rainmeadow meowed, barely above a whisper. Drownstone cocked her head in confusion, slowly making her way towards her own nest.

“Huh?” Drownstone murmured, keeping her eyes on Rainmeadow as she laid down.

“To thank you. For- uh, saving me. From the bear,” the speckled warrior spoke, whiskers twitching. Drownstone gave a small noise of acknowledgement, something short of an “oh,” before turning her head.

“Any cat would've done the same, Rainmeadow,” Drownstone mewed, curling her tail around her body comfortably. She found it odd that she couldn’t look Rainmeadow in the eyes while speaking to her; she wasn't some coward. She forced herself to look at her clanmate. Rainmeadow’s eyes were glazed over, and her face was contorted.

“But you’ve despised me for _moons,”_ Rainmeadow finally spoke. Drownstone felt her mouth open, as if she wanted to say something, and then she felt her teeth click together as she shut it. It’s unbearably quiet. “What happened to us?” Rainmeadow asked quietly, her head raising to look at Drownstone. “We used to be so close.”

“We can start over,” Drownstone’s words came tumbling out before she could process what she was saying. “It doesn't have to be like this,” she continued, referring to the wordless quarrel the two she-cats have had for Starclan knows how long. Her gaze tore free from her paws, and she found that Rainmeadow looked surprised at what Drownstone was saying.

“That’d be… really nice,” Rainmeadow meowed, blinking a couple times. “Thank you.”

“What are you thanking me for this time?” Drownstone asked, her eyelids heavy. Rainmeadow shot her a look, indicating that Drownstone was either _really_ stupid or extremely tired. Drownstone recognized it instantly; Rainmeadow would tease her when they were younger, but it was all in good fun. It warmed her chest.

“For letting me be your friend again,” Rainmeadow purred, resting her chin on her front paws. Drownstone nodded. Perhaps she was just dumb. She mimicked Rainmeadow’s movement, closing her eyes. It doesn’t take long for sleep to pull her under.

* * *

She was stuck in an open space, and everything was red. Dark red, like the blood that stained the forest because of her decisions. Even in this nightmare, she blamed herself for the deaths of her friends. She blinked repeatedly as she looked around at the trees, the grass - vicious, red. A lot of red. The grass felt wet, and suddenly the red began to stain her paws. Subconsciously, she reminded herself it was rather fitting, as she had murdered these kits. These - these young cats ready to explore, to live. They weren’t prepared to die. The red was fading, and she began to panic. It was retreating. The wet, squishy feeling of the bloody grass left and was replaced with something... worse. A soft feeling against her paws. A lush grass that felt comforting between her stained toes. Wherever the red left, the white appeared, and suddenly it was all so bright. She squinted and let her gaze follow the retreating blood. The trees, she noticed, were dripping with the deep viscous liquid. Each tree was missing their leaves, and the moment the red has gone, leaves appeared and she noticed how she was in that clearing. Her throat tightened. Her eyes continued to follow.

And there he was. Stonefoot sat alone, his body white like snow. He was smiling, though, as if Drownstone has cracked a witty joke and he couldn't keep his joy to himself. The red seeped into his fur. It stained him, it stained his whole body and Drownstone was panicking, somehow realizing she couldn’t breathe amongst the pure fear. The hot streams on her cheeks became noticeable as her chest tightened and froze. It kept spreading and spreading until it reached his contorted face. His expression was dead. Just like him. His eyes, glazed over. Her paws forced her to move towards him, and the tears continued, perhaps worsening? She couldn’t tell. What she could notice, though, was that her vision was clear, that her tears didn’t blur her vision like that had done so so many times before. Stonefoot kept getting closer and she swore voices were screaming at her, but it might've been her own head. She was going insane here.

Then she stopped. Stonefoot sat in front of her, blood pouring from his face as he leaned forward, head tilted. The blood became a puddle in front of his small paws, and Drownstone felt her claws dig into the dirt. He slowly lifted his head. His blood was actually pooling in his ruined eye, and Drownstone felt the urge to snap her gaze away when his glazed eyes met hers. But she didn’t. Now, the expression became more clear. It wasn’t one of a dead cat. It was one of a cat stuck in purgatory, suffering unending agony, forced to live with these bleeding wounds for as long as the stars burned in the night’s sky.

And then came his voice. His jaw opened, and blood dripped out, mixing with saliva. She noticed he was missing teeth.

“You could have saved us.”


	5. CHAPTER 4

Nightgaze padded across the lush grass, following the sparkling Moonstream towards its source. Tangleclaw walked a distance from the lanky black tom, eyes slit with something short of suspicion whenever she turned back to check on him. Snowstorm found herself trailing ahead some, uncomfortably looking back at the two other medicine cats from time to time. The walk to the Moonpool seemed so much longer this time to Tangleclaw somehow, despite nothing being different. Upon finally reaching a wall of jagged rock that acted as a barrier, Snowstorm turned to the others, worry etching her face.

“Would you hurry up, Nightgaze? You act as if we have all night!” Tangleclaw snapped, looking back at the tom. Nightgaze’s bright yellow eyes narrowed, nearly gleaming in the darkness, and Tangleclaw stiffened. Scarletfrost sat on a smooth rock beside Snowstorm, her gaze curious as she looked at Nightgaze.

“I’m sure Starclan could wait a few moments, you ragged old hag!” Nightgaze snarled, the fur on his back spiking. He pushed past the matted ginger fur of his mentor, leaping atop the jagged wall with ease. “We’re waiting on you now.”

Tangleclaw felt frost build in her chest as the realization spilled like a river over her. Of course, Nightgaze’s snappy responses were very little inside clan borders, afraid of receiving backlash from the leader or Tangleclaw herself, but now... Something has changed. Nightgaze’s slim figure slid down the wall onto the rocky shore of the Moonpool, eyes reflecting the water that reflected the night sky. Snowstorm and Scarletfrost shared a look of unease before they followed the black cat into the secluded area. Tangleclaw sat in silence, hesitantly lifting her paws to leap over the wall herself. As Nightgaze sat across from the two she-cats, she noticed how he radiated a dark aura. He’s lost faith in Starclan, Tangleclaw noted. But so had she.

* * *

Tangleclaw dragged herself over to the two younger white cats, eyes never leaving Nightgaze’s shadowed body. Nightgaze let his eyes bore into his mentor in response, leaving her with an unshakeable sense of unease as she began to lay down. Nightgaze let his head drop into the water as he shut his eyes.

The moment his nose came into contact with the icy cold pond, the feeling spread throughout his body like the pain from a heavy blow. The darkness he saw behind his eyelids had barely left when he opened his eyes. He stood up, letting his gaze rake over Starclan. The grass was dying, the trees too. Everything was old, dead, which Nightgaze found very ironic. The place wasn't bright, it wasn’t vibrant, it was dark. It was red. This was Starclan. The fables queens told to their kits about the Place of no Stars was exactly like this. The truth was, Nightgaze knew there was no Place of no Stars. There was no Dark Forest. Dark red bled into the trees like blood through fur, and Nightgaze was sure the only vibrant colour in this place was the yellow eyes he had, how unusually bright they were. His gaze halted when he saw a few cats slink out of the foliage, and a familiar sense of anxiety and dread welled up inside him as they greeted him.

Their eyes were unbearably empty, their fur hanging off of their body like they hadn't eaten in moons. Their death wounds stayed, constantly bleeding, constantly aching. The ache became a home to them. Nightgaze lifted his chin defiantly as the scrawny, ancient cats approached him, and despite their eyes being glazed he could see contempt in them.

“I’ve done what you want, why the sad faces?” Nightgaze purred, sitting down. His slim tail wrapped around his paws, expression smug when one of the leaders scoffed.

“You’re playing a dangerous game -” the leader began, its eyes narrowing.

“So are you.” Nightgaze interrupted, looking around. “You know, I’m not stupid. I know you cursed me because you got bored,” he began, his eyes returning to the Starclan warriors. “You cursed me, you do these wicked things because you have nothing else. I was not a pawn in your little game, I was a kit!” he snarled, voice like venom as he stood up, stalking his way towards the leader. “That bear was sent by you, I know it! I’m not the one who’s insane here, it’s you.” Nightgaze’s ears flattened to his head as he stood a few whisker lengths away from this ancient cat. “You ruined me, and I can ruin your perfect little clans all the same.”

The cat stepped forward, and Nightgaze flinched, stepping back. The confident aura that flooded his veins ran colder than the Moonpool’s water. The other cats began to move towards him as well, and his paws drew him back away from the approaching group. Eyes wide, heart fluttering, his paws sunk into the ground. The mud was like blood, the grass like the entrails of a cat, wrapping around his forepaws, keeping him grounded. His heart felt like it was beating out of his chest, out of his skin - his paws sunk further when the realization hit that his ribs were beginning to hurt. “It is not your place to step in and interfere with our plans, Nightgaze.” The ancient cat’s voice was cold, loud, and it shook Nightgaze to his core. “You cannot play Starclan in the living world. You’re a medicine cat, do your job.”

Suddenly, Nightgaze was ripped away from Starclan, forced under the ground as the tendrils pulled him under, eating at him like shadows when the sun sets. He tried screaming, but they continued to grow, down his throat, under his skin. _I can’t breathe!_ he panicked. His claws tried their hardest to rip and tear at whatever held him under. Thick liquid sucked at his fur and bones, and it felt like it was going to tear him in two. His eyes shot open, the coldness of the Moonpool returning, flooding his senses. He thrashed, trying to differentiate the floor from the sky, and eventually, he tore himself free from the waves of the pool, gasping for breathe as he scrambled backwards. His gaze flicked across the rocky shore, blinking rapidly to clear his eyes of water. Violently, he shook himself in a futile attempt to dry his fur, eyes wide the moment he was still. Panicked, he stared at Tangleclaw, pupils blown.

“You tried to _drown_ me!” Nightgaze screeched, claws raking against ancient stone. Tangleclaw shifted. _She’s awake, she’s faking it!_ He darted towards the ginger cat, pouncing atop her back. His claws pierced her skin, digging deep as he continued to fall forward. He rolled over, throwing her away from the pool with a violence and strength he never knew he had. She hit the wall with a loud wheeze, sliding to the ground coughing. Her eyes were unfocused as she glanced up from the ground, trying to figure out what had happened. Nightgaze stood a few pawsteps in front, tail lashing violently as he glared at his mentor, teeth bared in the full moon’s light.

“Nightgaze, you maniac!” Tangleclaw coughed, wincing as she tried to push herself off the ground. Scarletfrost and Snowstorm turned to look at the scene unfolding. Once more, Scarletfrost seemed interested in Nightgaze, how he was unraveling before her. That was the least of Nightgaze’s worries as he stared at the ginger she-cat.

“You traitor! You call _me_ the maniac - you tried to _kill_ me! ” Nightgaze screamed, fur standing up like jagged spikes. Tangleclaw shook her head, her emotions conflicting.

“I didn’t try to kill you, you absolute _fool!_ What has gotten into you?” Tangleclaw hissed, her tail lashing aggressively as she demanded an answer. Nightgaze shifted, her defiance only making him more furious.

“Stop lying! Who else would of tried to drown me?” Nightgaze spat, his pupils blown with anger.

“Nobody tried to drown you!” Tangleclaw spat right back, finally standing up, her back curved defensively, matted fur spiked. Her fluffed tail lashed once more.

“Then explain why I woke up struggling in the Moonpool!” Nightgaze yowled, his voice beginning to strain. Tangleclaw tilted her head in confusion, before scoffing.

“You probably slipped in!” Tangleclaw yelled, irritated by how reckless Nightgaze was being. “You’re lucky I don’t drown you now for how you’re acting!” The ginger cats voice was booming, and Nightgaze found himself stepping backwards. He growled, letting his tail lash from side to side before he whipped around, storming towards the entrance. Tangleclaw let out a weak cough when the black cat slunk out of the clearing, and Snowstorm was instantly on her tail. Her soft voice asked if she was alright multiple times, but Tangleclaw barely heard her through the thoughts racing in her own head. What had just happened?

* * *

Nightgaze slid through the rather damp grass, his irritation never faltering the further he got from Tangleclaw. _She’s becoming an issue,_ Nightgaze thought, his eyes narrowing despite the darkness around him. He finally stopped, taking in a sharp breath before daring to look at Silverpelt. His eyes darted from star to star, and he wondered which one was Dustflight. In the back of his mind, he considered the concept that perhaps none of these stars were cats. It would make sense, considering what he had just seen. He let out the breath he had been holding, and finally blinked. _If Tangleclaw keeps up her ways, she’ll find herself alongside Dustflight._


	6. CHAPTER 5

Drownstone was unsure of how she found herself sitting on the outlook, but there she sat, staring out at the sunrise. The darkness of the sky bled into a soft orange along the horizon, Silverpelt melting away. It was cold, but she barely noticed, her eyes attempting to focus on the scene before her. The outlook was on the edge of the temporary territory, somewhat on the same path as the venture to the Moonpool. It was a small dropoff that came from a slope, and the new territory’s placement on a hill enabled Drownstone to see over the old territories and mountains clearly. She had seen such a view before, but only once, so it still managed to blow her away. She knew that their new camp was a valley in some smaller mountains, but never got the chance to really explore.

From here, she could almost see the Moonpool as well; what she saw of it looked rather particular compared to the forest surrounding it. Jagged stones curled up from the ground like claws, creating walls around the pond of stars. She had never been there before, she realized. _It must be pretty_. With a sigh, she dipped her head, letting drops of blood fall onto the grass beneath her paws. Drownstone had to blink to keep it from getting in her eyes. She lifted a paw to examine her claws, letting them slide out carefully. Her paw slammed back to the ground when she hears a rustle behind her, adrenaline shooting through her as she spun around to inspect what made the noise. A familiar lanky cat emerged from the bushes, his yellow eyes welcoming and soft. Drownstone relaxed.

“You can’t just sneak up on me, Nightgaze,” Drownstone murmured as Nightgaze came to sit beside her. He let out a small chuckle, smiling.

“I thought you heard me coming with those huge ears of yours,” Nightgaze replied playfully, flicking his tail. “I have two questions.”

“Hm?” Drownstone purred, looking up at the tom. Nightgaze looked back in a way that makes her chest tighten. It wasn’t malice, anger, or suspicion. He looked at Drownstone like she was the most precious thing he had ever laid his eyes on.

“Firstly,” Nightgaze began gently, “what happened to your face?” Drownstone blinked before letting her head fall, almost in shame.

“I’ve been told that I claw at it in my sleep,” Drownstone answered flatly, her throat tight.

Nightgaze nodded, blinking slowly at her in understanding. “Secondly, why are you up so early?” he continued, gesturing his head towards the rising sun. Drownstone looked back at Nightgaze, inhaling deeply.

“Had a nightmare,” she responded tightly. “Couldn’t fall back asleep. I thought some fresh air would be good,” she finished, watching Nightgaze’s whiskers twitch in reply.

“You know that you can always come to me,” Nightgaze offered, almost like a suggestion, and Drownstone found a smile grow on her face.

“Thank you,” the she-cat murmured, finding that she was speaking faster than she could process, “it’s been a long time since I could talk to anyone.”

“Of course,” Nightgaze purred, his tail flicking and curling around Drownstone’s sitting form. “You’re a wonderful cat, you deserve to have someone to confide in.” His tone was affectionate, caring, and Drownstone was caught rather off guard by his sudden calmness. She had always seen him as cold, snappy, creepy, understanding why Rainmeadow was always so on edge when she looked at the medicine cat. Now, Drownstone wondered if she was wrong; perhaps the clan just looked at him wrong. _Maybe Nightgaze is a sweet cat underneath._ A purr rumbled in her chest as she smiled up at the lanky black tom. The last time she confided in someone like this it was Deadsky, and she was distant even then. The truth was, Drownstone was scared. The night Stonepaw arrived and greeted her, she had cried herself to sleep in memory of her younger dead brother. She felt love, affection, all for her siblings and friends, but convinced that it would harm her, she threw it away after her parents and Callakit died.

She began to lean against Nightgaze, relishing in the warmth found in the tom sitting beside her. Drownstone was always scared of losing more people she loved. Sure, she hated her parents; it was all push with them, there was no affection, and when they died she wanted desperately to remember them as great warriors, but she couldn’t. She blamed herself for not being able to impress them how she wanted, to have them die before she could prove herself. And yet, she still felt the sting of losing them, despite the bitterness she tasted whenever she laid eyes on her mother, or whenever her father gave her the stern and disappointed gaze he always had. Drownstone sighed, slowly closing her eyes.

“Nightgaze,” she began, “were your parents there for you as a kit?”

“Uh.” Nightgaze blanked, obviously caught rather off guard by the sudden question after endless heartbeats of comfortable silence. “My mother was,” he replied after a moment of hesitance. “My father didn’t care much. My mother was a sweet cat, she loved us a lot, despite what Wispstar said. She was proud of us both, but she passed away during leaf-bare.” He inhaled slowly. “She was weak, and she fought, but Starclan decided it was time,” Nightgaze explained, eyes unfocused. Drownstone nodded against his fur, taking in the scent of herbs.

“What about Twilightstar?” Drownstone mumbled. “You two don’t seem to get along well.” The albino warrior had always noted how bitterly the siblings glared at each other in the camp; she could never act like that towards Deadsky. Nightgaze sighed, and Drownstone glanced up and saw how hard Nightgaze was thinking.

“Yeah, we don’t like each other at all,” Nightgaze laughed weakly before his tone grew bitter. “She was never there for me, though. She was favored over me, was always deemed the best warrior, and always pushed me aside for her own pride.” His words tumbled out like a waterfall of hatred, his lip curling. “She despised me, called me ‘insane’, a ‘liar.’ But I’m trying to fix everything.” Nightgaze finished quietly.

Drownstone sighed deeply. Deadsky wasn't a bad brother, not anything close to what Nightgaze told her about Twilightstar, and maybe Drownstone was actually the mean sibling. At least she had someone to relate to.

Nightgaze’s tail shifted, curling around Drownstone’s in a way she saw mates in camps coil theirs. She simply brushed off the implication, despite the chill that ran up her spine, until Nightgaze maneuvered his muzzle to brush against Drownstone’s cheek. She instinctively backed away from the gesture, leaving Nightgaze sitting awkwardly with a look of confusion on his face. With a smile, she flicked her tail out of the knot Nightgaze put it in. She must’ve looked obviously uncomfortable with the situation, hinted by the way Nightgaze retracted his tail gently and sat up straight with an understanding gaze.

“Too far?” Nightgaze asked simply, and Drownstone nodded. Her chest felt cold again.

“Yeah - I - er - I don’t know? I don’t know how I feel,” Drownstone tried to explain, the ice growing in her throat. Nightgaze flicked the tip of his tail to silence her.

“I get it,” he meowed. “My apologies.”

Drownstone smiled, the ice within her slowly thawing as her eyes travelled back to the sun rising over the forest. _Nightgaze isn’t too bad,_ she decided, her sight flickering over to the tom. _Nobody understands him enough._


	7. CHAPTER 6

Nothing was wrong with Deadsky.

Too many cats have asked him if he was alright, and after each insistence that he was, he was met only with irritatingly unconvinced, pity filled nods. Even Rainmeadow, who was so busy with her own turmoil, had stopped him the day after their vigil to ask about him.

“It’s just that…” the speckled cat had begun, shuffling her paws, “after the ceremony, you were -”

Deadsky’s face had heated up instantly. She saw him cry; everyone in the clearing had. Nothing made him more embarrassed than having other cats - especially those he didn’t know - see him get emotional. And now they were all walking on pebbles around him, as if they expected him to burst out into tears again from the thought of his dead friend. “I’m _fine,”_ he hissed so ferociously that Rainmeadow flinched and flattened her ears to her head. “Why can’t anyone accept that?! I’m doing the best I can after everything!” _You’re acting like your sister,_ a voice in the back of his head had sounded, but he pushed it aside as he focused on calming down. By the time his frustration ebbed it was already too late.

“You don’t need to snap at me,” Rainmeadow had seethed, before storming into their den. Deadsky wanted to go after her and apologize, but he thought better of it. She wouldn’t want to see him then, he had told himself. The next morning, though, he went to her. She had blinked at him, at first not recognizing what he meant, but she soon dipped her head and mumbled an, “It’s fine. Don’t worry about it,” to him before padding to the freshkill pile.

Now Deadsky was padding into the clearing, sitting down and looking at the base of the Tall Oak expectantly. The three deputies were assigning cats to the dawn patrols.

“Birchheart, Honeyshine, and Roseheart - I want you to check the northern mountain border,” Raggedcliff meowed. “That fox scent was stale when I checked, but we need to make sure it hasn’t returned -”

“- Windstorm and Cindernose, try around the fields, there might be some rabbits out -”

“The freshkill pile’s been lower than ever, I want Talonstrike, Violetpool, Jaywhisper, and D…” Deadsky’s heart pounded, and he looked straight at his deputy. “Duskfall, check around the streams.”

He felt like he got slapped in the face by a fish. _I haven’t been put on patrol since I became a warrior! Since we even moved to this territory!_ He was outraged, but he knew better than to pick a fight with Dullcloud in front of all the gathered cats. The deputy was a levelheaded tom, but Deadsky had seen him be pushed over the edge, and he was terrifying when angered.

So he waited calmly for the cats to disperse before limping over to Dullcloud. The sandy tom had caught his gaze - he pretended not to, but Deadsky _knew_ he did - and still continued on his way, but Deadsky intercepted him. “I haven’t patrolled in almost a moon,” he mewed simply, trying hard to keep his words from sounding accusatory.

Dullcloud turned to look at him, and of course he had that pitying look that Deadsky hated. But this time it wasn’t like the look he received after his breakdown, it was worse; the look that out of the four surviving apprentices, only he received. It wasn’t pity for his trauma, it was pity about his _leg._ And that made the indignation boil within him. “Deadsky,” the deputy meowed quietly, obviously trying to find a good way to put it. “Your leg… it hasn't gotten any better…”

Fury built up inside of him. _It's not_ going _to get better!_ he wanted to scream. _Nightgaze and Tangleclaw_ both _said that I would never be able walk with it again!_ But he shoved the anger down, trying hard to stay dignified. “I want to be of use to the clan,” he meowed through grit teeth. “Twilightstar wouldn't have made me a warrior if she thought I couldn't handle it.” Dread filled him as he noticed the doubt flicker across Dullcloud's face. “Right?” he meowed again, desperate now. “She wouldn't have made me a warrior just because she felt bad for me, would she?!”

“...Of course not, Deadsky,” the tom meowed gently. Not meeting his eyes.

That was enough. He stormed off, acutely aware of how his mangled leg ached when his paw dragged over the ground. _This doesn't mean anything,_ he told himself, limping faster, wanting nothing more than being able to sprint like how he used to. I _can still hunt and fight like I did before. It's just one stupid leg injury._ He stopped and glared at it before slowly lowering it to the ground. Gently letting it rest there before beginning to walk down the forest path. _So far so good…_ he thought, and then he put pressure on his leg and -

_“Foxdung! Crowfood eating minnow-hearted - foxdung!”_ Deadsky screeched. It felt like it had when the bear originally bit him, or maybe even worse! It hurt so _bad_ , he could barely stay on his paws. He stumbled, and then lowered himself to the ground. Tears were stinging at the corners of his eyes now, from the pain as well as despair he felt as the realization sunk in. _I’m never going to be able to use it again._ All the lies he repeated to himself since the attack did nothing to quell him. Everything was wrong. _If only Skyleap were here…_ the thought floated into Deadsky’s mind. He had to grit his teeth to hold back a sob. _I can’t think about him. I’ll only feel worse. I have to shove it all down._ Miserably, the grey tom curled up and squeezed his eyes shut.

_“Or you mmkay?”_ came a muffled voice from the other side of a bush. Deadsky’s eyes snapped open, but he didn’t move.

The owner of the voice stepped out from behind the bush - they were a young, pale cat with a ginger face and paws, holding a rabbit in their mouth. They set the kill down before repeating themself: “Are you okay?”

_What does it look like?_ Deadsky almost snapped, but he stopped as he looked up at the cat’s face. They didn’t have that horrible look everyone else had, only a mild concern for him. _They look like him…_ “...I’m fine,” he murmured, forcing himself to stand.

A look of skepticism crossed the cats face, if only for a moment, but they simply dipped their head in acknowledgement. “You’re Deadsky, right?” He nodded, blinking as they smiled at him. “I’m Flickersong. You wanna hunt together?”

Deadsky was taken aback by the offer. Of course he wanted to, but he was still stinging from what happened with Dullcloud. He _had_ tried to hunt on his own before, but he came back empty-pawed after every outing. As an apprentice he was remarkably good at catching land-prey, a skill that some experienced Stormclan warriors had yet to master, but now he was too slow and too noisy to get anywhere close. Of course, he still had his fishing abilities - abilities that didn't require two working hind legs - but the idea of fishing now made his chest tighten. Licking at his chest fur from embarrassment as he realized he had yet to respond, he mumbled a, “yeah, okay,” to the waiting cat. They dug a small hole and buried their rabbit for safekeeping before heading deeper into the forest. Deadsky followed, walking briskly in a conscious attempt to seem more capable than he was, but Flickersong was walking slow enough for him to easily keep up.

“Are you friends with Hopeberry?” Flickersong asked after a bit.

Deadsky blinked. They weren't _littermate_ close, but they _had_ fought a bear together. That's the sort of thing that brings cats closer together. “Yeah,” he answered.

Flickersong beamed. “I’m glad to hear she's making new friends! She's my sister - but we aren't exactly littermates,” they explained, answering Deadsky’s unspoken question. “She was found outside the clans, and my mom took her in when I was a kitten.”

“So she was a rogue?” he wondered aloud.

The flame point nodded. “Yeah, but she's one of us now. There's actually a lot of outsider blood in our clan, though it's not a fact Rushstar likes to share with the others.” They smiled sheepishly.

Flickersong’s words began to sink in as he padded alongside them. And suddenly, Deadsky began to question the patches on his muzzle. Neither of his parents had them, but there _was_ a Breezeclan cat who did… “Flickersong,” the grey tom began. “Do you know if your former deputy -”

A squirrel darted in front of the duo, and fast as lighting Flickersong bolted after it. Deadsky was stunned at the cats speed, not knowing if he should go after them. He saw them suddenly overtake and cut off the squirrel's path, but the prey skidded and dashed back before they could pounce. It was headed right towards Deadsky now, and this time he didn't stop to react, only instinctively lashing out his paw as if catching a fish. His claws sliced into its neck and it collapsed in front of him.

“Woah!” Flickersong was staring at him, mouth agape.

“I - I can't believe it -” Deadsky looked down at the catch - _his_ catch, the first he made since he was wounded - and grinned. “I wasn't even thinking about it -”

“Your paw _teleported -”_

“- Just hit it, like it was a fly -”

“That was incredible!” Flickersong grinned at him, bouncing on their paws. “I thought you Stormclan cats could only fish!”

“Well, that's true for most of the clan.” He couldn't help but feel a _little_ smug. “But I couldn't have done that without you!” he added excitedly. “You reacted so quickly - I didn't even notice it at first!”

Flickersong licked at their chest fur. “We make a pretty good team,” they meowed.

“Yeah! We should hunt together more often!” Deadsky felt exhilarated, unable to keep the grin off his face. “Come on, let's get our prey back to camp!”

Deadsky padded beside his new friend, head held high as he carried his squirrel. He felt a twinge of satisfaction as he saw Dullcloud notice the pair.

The sandy tom approached them as Flickersong lowered their rabbit onto the freshkill pile. “Excellent catches, Flickersong,” he meowed.

_Hello?_ Deadsky let the squirrel fall from his jaws, ready with some choice words for Dullcloud, but Flickersong beat him to it.

“Actually, Deadsky caught the squirrel,” they meowed neutrally. Deadsky blinked and nodded, letting his ruffled fur fall flat.

“Deadsky?” Dullcloud looked taken aback for a moment, but he dipped his head and smiled. “Congratulations! I apologize for doubting you. You're a gifted warrior, Deadsky.”

He didn't even have a spiteful sense of righteousness; Deadsky only felt pride and happiness as he nodded in response and moved further into the clearing with Flickersong. “I can't believe it! He said I was gifted!” Deadsky marvelled.

“You are! I'm still in awe over that catch!” Flickersong exclaimed back.

As the two continued discussing their hunt and plans for future outings, Deadsky's injury didn't cross his mind once.


	8. CHAPTER 7

Drownstone was absentmindedly walking alongside Antfoot, her head spinning. She _should_ have been looking out and listening for prey, but instead her whiskers twitched the further she dug into her thoughts. The sickening nightmare she had before pained her to think about, but it carved itself deep into her head and she couldn’t find a way to escape it. Between the blood pooling at his soft paws and his broken voice, she found herself constantly remembering each single detail from the dream, and she wanted nothing more than for it to be gone and out of her memory for good.

“Drownstone. Did you hear what I said at all?” Her former mentor was staring at her impatiently.

“Uh - no,” she admitted, reeling as she was harshly pulled out of her memories of the nightmare.

“I said we’re splitting up the patrol. For strategic reasons. I’m going with Raggedcliff,” Antfoot meowed, gaze flitting to the muscular grey tom and back.

Normally Drownstone would raise an eyebrow at him, because there was no reason for three Stormclan cats to go on a patrol with the Moonclan deputy in the first place, but she could only nod numbly, glancing up at who she would be patrolling with. It was Rainmeadow, and only a half moon ago she would have let out a huff of contempt, but she felt none of her former disdain for the she-cat. Now there was nothing, but nothing was good. There was space to regrow their relationship, to build their friendship back up to how it was when they were kits. She smiled slightly at the thought; Rainmeadow wasn’t a bad cat. In fact, when she thought about it, Rainmeadow was actually one of the loveliest cats Drownstone had ever met, and as she pushed aside their former rivalry she realized that most of the memories she had with her were soft and warm. She blinked, a genuine feeling of happiness faintly thrumming through her body. It felt nice to remember something that didn’t pick her heart apart. As the toms headed their own way, she flicked her tail at Rainmeadow and the two began to stroll throughout the forest.

“You’ve been getting up pretty early,” Rainmeadow began after a bit of silence. “Or, maybe I’m just getting up late.” She cracked a tiny smile. “Dullcloud’s been sparing me from dawn patrols lately. Has he been doing the same with you?”

Drownstone chuckled at the remark, a purr rising in her chest. “Not exactly,” she replied. “I think he just likes to target me for the dawn patrols because I’m the only one willing to drag myself out of the nest every morning,” she laughed, playfully bumping into Rainmeadow. Rainmeadow returned the action with a little more force, but nothing too harsh.

“Or they just want you out because you’ve got the longest legs and can get it done the fastest so it’s not Dullcloud’s issue anymore,” Rainmeadow joked. Drownstone smiled.

“Nah, I’m kidding. He hasn’t, I’ve just been more… socially extroverted unlike someone here,” Drownstone purred, shooting a playful gaze at the she-cat next to her. “I’ve been hanging out with Nightgaze more, and he’s really a nice guy; I don’t get why other cats hate him so much.”

When she glanced back at her, Rainmeadow looked like she had seen a ghost. Ears flat and fur spiked, she asked, “How can you say that?!” Her voice was barely above a hiss.

Drownstone was taken aback. Touchy subject, she supposed, but she could tell it was more than that when she noticed how _scared_ Rainmeadow looked. “He… we’re only friends, if that’s what you think’s going on,” Drownstone quickly added. “It would be against the code for him to take a mate, and besides, I’m not interested in him at all.”

Slowly, very slowly, the fur on Rainmeadow’s back settled down. “Alright…” she murmured, but she still had a troubled look in her eye. Drownstone was concerned, but she didn’t feel it was appropriate to prod her about it.

It felt colder now; perhaps it was the leaf-fall chill seeping in, but Drownstone could feel the tension weighing down on them. Her mew of congratulations felt a bit stiff as Rainmeadow clawed a fish from the stream and snapped its spine. When Rainmeadow looked back up at her she seemed nervous, almost wary, and her gaze looked beyond Drownstone as if there was another cat lurking behind her. Drownstone turned her head to follow her gaze, but there was no one.

“What does he say to you?” Rainmeadow finally asked.

Drownstone blinked. _That doesn’t seem to be any of your business,_ she almost replied, but this was different, they were friends now, she didn’t have to be hostile. But something told her to leave out the tom’s affectionate maneuvers and too kind words, so she simply answered, “Not much in particular. Mostly about the bear, and the pain it’s caused us.” Her thoughts wandered to one of their previous conversations. “He really is nice, you know. He gave us those herbs to help us, since when he told Twilightstar we were leaving she didn’t do anything to stop us.” Her gaze hardened. “He was trying to look out for us, but she refused to believe him.”

“No.” Rainmeadow was shaking her head, and to Drownstone’s annoyance the she-cat didn’t seem to trust her at all. “No, he wasn’t looking out for us. He would’ve stopped us himself if he was. He’s lying to you.”

“He’s not lying.” Drownstone had to struggle to keep the insistence from her voice. “Twilightstar even admitted it was her fault. He only tried to help us survive.”

“But he failed,” Rainmeadow whispered.

Pain ran through Drownstone’s body like icy water, and she thought of Stonefoot, and how when he would trip over roots in the forest he always got up with a smile, laughing at how clumsy he was. She would never see that smile again. “He _tried,_ though,” she forced out, teeth grit. “He may have failed, but he _tried_ to help us all survive.” A flame lit up inside of her. “He _tried,_ like I did when your mom passed -” And it engulfed her, so all she could feel was a burning anger. “- and you pushed me away, I _tried_ to be there for you! I wanted to be there for you but you - you just kept running away to -” Something finally clicked for her. “-your stupid mate, you were meeting up with her even then!”

“Don’t say that!” Rainmeadow snarled. “Don’t you _dare_ insult her! And we didn’t even know each other back then, I was -” Her eyes widened, and the grey she-cat wilted. She never finished her sentence.

Drownstone finished it instead. “You just didn’t want to be around me.” Her voice was low. “You preferred being alone to having to deal with me!”

“Drownstone, that’s not what I was going to -”

“Then what?! You just hung around any cat that called you pretty, and said everything would be alright?! But you didn’t want to be around _me,_ because I was too aggressive and too ambitious, because I took things too seriously? I had to go through a _lot,_ and I needed you, but you weren’t there for me! And now that I _do_ have someone you think you can come crawling back because your mates dead and you don’t have anyone else!” She had to take some time to breathe after all of that yelling. She was suppressing that for so long, it felt like a boulder was lifted off of her back. But when she looked at Rainmeadow’s face it was replaced by an even heavier one, crushing more with every second she saw her shock and heartbreak and guilt.

She didn’t have anything else to say. And obviously, neither did Rainmeadow. Any remnants of the friendship they could’ve formed was gone now, she realized, and she walked off in silence. Her paws felt weighed down by something, and it clicked in her head that it was most likely the overwhelming instinct to stay and apologize for snapping. The further she walked away from the warrior, the worse the ache in her chest felt, and she found herself finally back at the camp. Her eyes filtered through the cats in the clearing until she caught a familiar yellow pair of eyes, and the weight lifted itself off of her shoulders. Nightgaze’s bright eyes became such a comforting thing to her, she realized, padding towards the lanky tom. She purred audibly and brushed her head under his chin, smiling at the happy expression that painted his face. Drownstone had never seen Nightgaze so content with himself. Her own smile faded when she heard Rainmeadow pad in after her.

“Drownstone, -” the grey she-cat stopped, her ears pressed flat against her skull, expression contorting from angry to downright terrified. Drownstone snarled, flicking her tail at the warrior before she turned back to Nightgaze. She kept purring, but it hurt; out the corner of her eye, she could see Rainmeadow in a panic as she forced herself to turn around to the warriors den and limp off. Something was really wrong, but Drownstone couldn't decipher _what._


	9. CHAPTER 8

_Berrysplash should be here,_ Hopeberry thought as she took her prey to the freshkill pile. It was a sentiment that plagued her every waking moment, everytime she hunted or even glanced at the medicine den. _Berrysplash should be eating this with me,_ she thought as she chewed at a mouse. It tasted like nothing.

She could hear Tangleclaw lecturing her foster sister on herbs: “Now tell me, which of these would you give an injured cat to prevent infection?”

“Um…” Scarletfrost’s eyes narrowed in concentration. _Yarrow,_ Hopeberry thought. “G...Goldenrod?”

 _“Goldenrod is used for healing wounds,”_ Berrysplash had explained on their journey, motioning a small paw to a yellow flower. _“Though, we shouldn’t have to use it unless something goes wrong. But we should be okay.”_ Hopeberry’s heart ached as she remembered the unsteadiness in the cats voice. She knew she was nervous about their quest, but she went along anyways. Hopeberry sunk her claws into the ground.

Tangleclaw was frowning. “No, it heals wounds but it doesn’t help much with infection. Yarrow is best for preventing it.” The old cat sighed. “Why don’t you grab a bite to eat? It’s getting late.” Scarletfrost nodded, and headed off to the freshkill pile while Tangleclaw shuffled into her den. As the patched she-cat turned around, Hopeberry lifted her head and patted at the space next to her, inviting her to sit with her.

“How was training?” Hopeberry asked hesitantly.

Scarletfrost gave her a tired look as she plopped down next to her sister, setting down a shrew. “I shouldn’t be a medicine cat,” she complained. “I’ve been training as a warrior my whole life, and I was _good_ at it! Why do I have to change that? We’re all living together anyways, there’s no shortage on them.” She let out a scoff.

“Starclan works in mysterious ways…” Hopeberry echoed. “Maybe they saw something in you. Plus -” She tried to force some cheer into her voice “- you just started, so of course you won’t be perfect right away. You shouldn’t be so down on yourself.”

“You’re right…” Scarletfrost huffed before eating a piece of her shrew. “Doesn’t change the fact that I don’t want to be doing this, though. There’s gotta be _one_ Breezeclan cat that actually has an interest in medicine who could take the job. Darkflower’s kits are nearly apprentice age - what if one of them could?”

“Snowstorm said she got a message from Starclan saying it was you,” Hopeberry reminded her. “Though, maybe you could tell your mentors and Rushstar that you don’t want to be one, if it gets to be too much.”

“I just might.” She sighed, giving her head a shake before turning to her sister. “Enough about me, though. How have you been?”

Hopeberry never knew how to answer. Saying she was fine was a go-to, but it was such an obvious lie, and no one could really expect it to be true. At the same time she felt it would be impolite to voice what was really going on. _I don’t want to be a downer,_ she thought, _although I already am one._ Though she pretended otherwise, she wasn’t oblivious to the sympathetic looks and whispers she received along with the others. She knew they hated them, for their own reasons, but she never minded herself. It didn’t make her feel anything, because she didn’t let herself feel anything. “I’ve been well enough,” she said finally.

Scarletfrost blinked, looking concerned. “You can talk to me if anything’s bothering you,” she meowed.

“Nothing’s bothering me,” Hopeberry answered simply.

“Okay…” The calico rose to her paws, her expression remaining. “Well, if you change your mind, I’ll be here.” She began to pad off to the warriors den, and before Hopeberry could say anything she stopped. “Ah, wait.” With a sheepish smile - that, on closer inspection looked more like a grimace - Scarletfrost padded over to the medicine den.

Hopeberry sighed, picking at the rest of her mouse. _She’s so different from Berrysplash,_ sounded the irritating voice in her head. _Shut up,_ Hopeberry told it.

* * *

The den was so empty now. Fitting eight cats of various size was near impossible, but Hopeberry had grown to miss it. Not including herself, only three cats lay inside of it, and she realized with a pang that they were all fox-lengths apart. Rainmeadow and Drownstone seemed to have intentionally chosen to sleep far apart that night. _I could’ve sworn they were becoming friends again,_ Hopeberry thought, but she was too sleepy to dwell on whatever was going on with the she-cats. She curled up in her nest and fell into a deep rest.

At first glance the forest looked dead. The trees were withered and the color of ash, and the grass felt dry and stiff under her paws. But as her eyes adjusted, Hopeberry noticed her surroundings change and warp, Now everything looked pale and lively, starlight faintly glittering on the plantlife. _Is this Starclan?_ Hopeberry wondered, stepping forward. The fields went on forever, but she could see no cats.

“Berrysplash? Are you there?” she called out. There was no response. She couldn’t hear anything else in the territory, only her voice fading out. “Berrysplash?” she tried again. Nothing.

For the first time since the tragedy, Hopeberry’s emotionless facade began to crack and she began to panic. “Berrysplash? Are you there?” She was becoming desperate. _Where is she? This_ is _Starclan, right?_ She began to move; she didn’t know where she was going but she couldn’t just stand there.

She didn’t know how far she went. Everything looked the same, and there was no indication of any time passing. _I don’t know what to do. If only she were here with me…_

Her legs buckled under her and she began to sob, letting out tears she’s been suppressing for weeks. “This is all my fault,” she cried to no one. “I shouldn’t have - we should’ve gone home - I thought i-it would be okay but it all fell apart!” Hopeberry’s chest heaved for air, body shuddering as the tears spilled on. “You should never have died - I - should’ve protected you - I should’ve died in your p-place -” She curled up, pressing her front paws against her head. “You could’ve been a medicine cat. Y-You could’ve been happy… I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize,” came a soft voice.

Hopeberry turned around. And there Berrysplash stood, her beautiful marbled fur glimmering with starlight. _“Berrysplash!”_ She couldn’t control herself - she just started running, and she collided with her, knocking her onto the soft ground. All she could feel was happiness, the bitterness she felt before slowly fading as she realized that she was here - her Berrygirl, and everything was okay, everything was _more_ than okay she didn’t know if she has ever felt happier before. She licked at her face, her body rumbling with purrs. Berrysplash giggled softly, nuzzling against her.

“L-Let me up, will you? Your fur’s crushing me!” she gasped out finally, and Hopeberry had to force herself away to let her stand.

“I can’t - you’re here! In Starclan! How am I seeing you?” Hopeberry’s mind was racing. “Why is this place so empty? Are Skyleap and Stonefoot and Meadowshine here too?”

“Why would they be here?” Berrysplash tilted her head. Hopeberry couldn’t stop her eyes from widening in horror, and she could see Berrysplash’s do the same in turn. “They didn’t make it…” she murmured.

“I thought - I’m so sorry, Berrysplash, I thought you knew - why - you haven’t seen them here?” Hopeberry asked anxiously.

Berrysplash shook her head. “Not at all… I’m really not sure of how this all works,” she confessed. “I woke up in the forest when I died, but Meadowpaw - Meadowshine wasn’t there, even though I saw her die…” Her ears lowered and Hopeberry licked her cheek comfortingly. Returning the action with a small smile, Berrysplash continued, “I haven’t seen any other cats here. I think Starclan’s a lot bigger than we all thought, and I’m guessing if I haven’t seen the others, that we don’t all wake up in the same place.” She stared at the ground, still shocked. “I can’t believe they’re dead…” she whispered.

“They died the death of warriors,” Hopeberry murmured. She squeezed her eyes shut, wincing at the memories of her clanmate screaming as he was torn apart, of Skyleap launching himself at the bear’s talons and being sliced open.

“Is that why they - we got names?” Berrysplash looked up at her.

Hopeberry nodded. “Yes, we all received our warrior names after returning. Me and the other survivors chose our names though… they’re Deadsky, Drownstone, and Rainmeadow, and I’m Hopeberry now.” “You named yourselves after us?” Berrysplash stared at her. “You - you named yourself after me?” Despite everything, a smile grew on her face. “That’s really romantic,” she meowed.

Hopeberry could feel her face heat up. “It’s - I mean - I guess it is, if you, like, if you want it to be,” she stammered. “I just - I thought it would be a good way to honor you…” She jolted as Berrysplash pressed her face against hers. “Do you - um -” she began.

“Yes?” Berrysplash met her with her gorgeous, pale green eyes, the color of sunlit grass.

“Can we - do this, more? Can I see you in my dreams?” Hopeberry asked.

“Well, I don’t know how exactly this happened, but I’ll definitely try.” Berrysplash smiled warmly at her. “When I find the others, we can hang out with them too, though,” she gave her a sidelong glance, “if you want it to be just the two of us, we can do that. We can twine tails like Meadowshine and Rainmeadow did.”

“B-Berrygirl!” Hopeberry lightly smacked her with her tail, and the two erupted into laughter. “I really missed you,” she meowed softly after their laughter faded, gazing upon her lovingly. “It hasn’t been the same without you.”

“What’s it been like?” Berrysplash asked, wrapping her tail around her small paws.

“Not great,” she sighed. “Deadsky’s almost like another Drownstone, and Drownstone seems to be constantly away now, Rainmeadow’s a shell of her former self, my sibling hasn’t been doing good for a while now, and my sister somehow got chosen as the next Breezeclan medicine cat, but she hates it.”

“Your sister? I would’ve expected you,” Berrysplash meowed.

“Yes, she - wait huh.” Hopeberry blinked. “Me? Why me?”

Berrysplash gave her a long look. “All those times we hung out out when we journeyed? You asked me a _lot_ about herbs, Hope. You obviously have an interest in healing.”

“I-I never thought about it like that… I just thought that they were cool because - you made it seem cool. The way you talked about what you picked up from Snowstorm; I thought you were a genius!”

“Me? Making it seem cool?” Berrysplash had a perplexed grin on her face. “Are you sure you’re talking about me and not some other cat?”

“Of course I’m talking about you!” Hopeberry’s snickering was cut off with a gasp as she glanced at her surroundings. Everything seemed faded and washed out.

“Oh - I think you’re waking up!” Berrysplash pressed her muzzle against Hopeberry’s quickly. “I’ll try to see you tonight, okay? Talk to the medicine cats about becoming one of their apprentices.”

“Wh-What if I’m not good enough?” Anxiety pricked at her pelt.

“I can help you! I don’t know everything, though. At a certain point you’re gonna have to start teaching me, okay?” Berrysplash smiled at her. “And Hopeberry?”

“Yes?” she asked, her heart beating faster.

“I love you.”

She couldn’t help but grin. “I love you too,” she murmured, closing her eyes.

When she opened them again she was back in the den. Sunlight peeked through the branches. She felt better than she had since the journey, and she relished the feeling as she stretched her legs. Berrysplash’s words still echoing in her ears, she padded out of the den and approached Tangleclaw and Snowstorm, who were conversing close to the edge of the camp.

“Hopeberry? Is everything alright?” Snowstorm meowed, turning to her.

“Yes -” and she was happy to be able to say this truthfully “- everything’s fine. I’ve been talking with Scarletfrost, and just now I had this dream… I want to become a medicine cat.”


	10. CHAPTER 9

Rainmeadow rarely dreamt now. She supposed it was good, compared to what was happening to Drownstone. The she-cat was twitching and turning aggressively in her sleep, letting out soft whimpers. They sounded like apologies.

She didn’t know what to do. She was a heavy sleeper; she had never seen Drownstone like this, though she heard Deadsky murmur about it before. The long, thin scars that littered her face, those were all from the nightmares that plagued her. And, as Rainmeadow blinked rapidly from the sight, Drownstone began to slowly lift her paws. Her unsheathed claws sank deep into the flesh of her face, and yet her eyes remained closed. _She’s still asleep…_

Despite their argument, Rainmeadow couldn’t help but feel bad. She was clearly traumatized from the attack, so much so that she would be doing this. _So much that she would spend time with Nightgaze of all cats,_ her mind sounded, but she ignored it as she got to her paws. She was still mad at her, but she couldn’t just leave her like this. She crouched down beside Drownstone, almost brushing against her soft, white fur. “Drownstone,” she whispered.

Spitting and clawing, Drownstone leapt up and narrowly missed slicing open her ear. Rainmeadow flinched hard and leapt backwards, stumbling and falling onto her hindquarters. The two stood in the quiet den, taking a moment to let their fur fall flat. “What do you want,” Drownstone meowed coldly.

Rainmeadow’s eyes narrowed. “You were clawing yourself again,” she bit out.

Drownstone blinked, and pawed at her bloody face. “Oh,” she murmured.

Rainmeadow only let out a quiet scoff, exiting the den. _That’s the_ last _time I’m ever doing that again. She can rip her face to shreds for all I care._ A whisper that sounded a bit like “thank you” barely caught her attention, but she was sure it was only the breeze. Padding over to the freshkill pile, she picked up a small vole and carried it to the edge of the camp. In the distance, she could see Hopeberry talking with Tangleclaw and a calico she-cat. Tangleclaw dipped her head, and the three went off on their separate ways. Rainmeadow could see Hopeberry pick up a trout before heading over to her, and with pleasant surprise she noticed that for the first time in days the golden she-cat looked pretty lively.

“Someone’s in a good mood,” Rainmeadow commented as Hopeberry settled next to her.

“I’m becoming a medicine cat,” Hopeberry announced.

 _You?_ Rainmeadow never realized that she was so interested in healing, but on second thought she never spoke to Hopeberry all that much before. “That’s great,” she meowed, a tiny smile growing on her face. “Congratulations!”

“Thank you.” Hopeberry broke into a grin. “I never seriously considered it before, but Berrysplash made me realize… I really think I could be good at it,” she meowed before taking a bite of her trout. “Berrysplash - Berrysplash spoke to you?!” Rainmeadow’s head snapped up suddenly. For the first time in moons Rainmeadow wished she was a medicine cat again, if only so she could talk to Meadowshine again. _I had so much to tell her… and I… need to apologize._

“I had a dream where she spoke to me,” Hopeberry answered, after quickly swallowing her food. “I didn’t see Meadowshine,” she added, and Rainmeadow’s head lowered a bit, “but I’ll see if I can find her.” “Thank you,” Rainmeadow murmured. The two ate in a comfortable silence, observing the busy camp. The flavor of the vole soured as Rainmeadow saw Drownstone pull herself out of the den.

“Weren’t you guys friends again?” Hopeberry asked, following her gaze.

“No,” Rainmeadow mewed flatly. Her eyes narrowed as Drownstone stepped out of the camp. “She wasn’t called on patrol.”

“She doesn’t have to be on patrol to leave the camp,” Hopeberry reminded, amusement teasing her voice. “Maybe she’s just going on a walk.”

“Yeah, I don’t think so.” Rainmeadow buried her prey bones and stood, not taking her gaze away from where Drownstone disappeared. “I’ll catch you later, Hopeberry.”

“Goodbye,” the golden she-cat meowed, watching her curiously. Rainmeadow waved her tail in farewell and began to track her denmate.

Following an albino cat was harder than it seemed. Drownstone was fast, for starters; her long legs carried her further in half the strides it took Rainmeadow to get the same distance. She had to keep a quick pace, while simultaneously being aware of jutting roots and fallen leaves. She was worried that Drownstone would discover her, but the she-cat seemed to be intent on getting to her destination. The heavy undergrowth gave way to an outlook, and Drownstone finally slowed her pace as she left the forest. Rainmeadow stepped closer, and her heart lurched as she saw a familiar shadowy tom. “Why…” The whisper came involuntarily from her as Drownstone padded over to Nightgaze. She could feel her heart rate pick up, and her pelt itched, and she wanted to flee but something was keeping her paws rooted to the ground.

“It’s about time you made it,” Nightgaze joked quietly, “I thought you’d get here quicker with your long legs.”

Drownstone playfully bumped into his side, smiling at the comment. “Well, you’re lucky I had come at all.”

“Why is that?” Nightgaze asked, cocking his head.

“I was asleep, but Rainmeadow woke me up. In return, I nearly took her ear as a present.” Drownstone smiled, but it faded quickly. “I think - I really messed up the other day,” she admitted. “I said some really awful things to her, and I want to apologize but it’s -”

Nightgaze blinked. “Why are you so worried about that cat? Rainmeadow is clearly nothing but a burden to you,” he replied, almost growling. Drownstone turned away, her tail impatiently sliding through the grass. Rainmeadow felt ill, frozen as she stared at Nightgaze’s pale eyes that looked upon Drownstone so intently. For a moment, she thought he could see her, and though a second glance reassured her that he couldn’t, her legs still began to quiver.

“I wouldn’t say that-” Drownstone began, only to have Nightgaze lean into her, purring.

“Be honest with me. He - _She_ does nothing but utterly annoy you, yes?” Nightgaze interrupted, and Drownstone sighed.

“I mean, maybe,” Drownstone muttered, glancing away from the black tom beside her.

Rainmeadow felt like she was being struck by the bear again. _Why am I so upset about this? I don’t like her, I’m not her friend,_ she thought to herself frantically as her chest began to tighten. She didn’t think she needed her approval, and yet here she was, breaking down from the realization that Drownstone hated her. Unable to look any longer, she forced herself to walk away from the pair at the outlook. Her heart felt heavy in her chest, and yet the question repeated almost tauntingly in her head. _Why do I care so much?_


	11. CHAPTER 10

For the first time in almost a moon, Hopeberry was living up to her prefix. It seemed she had a knack for remembering herbs, and was so good with patients that even Tangleclaw would gruffly praise her. _I never hated being a warrior, but this - this is incredible! I haven’t felt this alive in so long!_ Hopeberry thought happily to herself as she carefully organized the herbs splayed out before her. _It really feels like things are looking up for me._ The only thing she enjoyed more than learning medicine was her meetings with Berrysplash. She spent every night meeting with her, exchanging knowledge of herbs and general conversation. The marbled she-cat had also reported that she had found Meadowshine’s trail, and was getting closer to finding her in the vast afterlife territory. As she recalled this, Hopeberry made a mental note to let Rainmeadow know of this as she nudged a pile of borage leaves into a nook of the den wall, almost missing the glint of scarlet behind them.

 _Wait…_ She didn’t think there were any herbs of that color. There was only one plant that was that shade of red, and it was something even kits knew not to mess with. She peered closer, unease pricking at her. _Why are there deathberries in here?_

“Move. I need some cobweb.”

Hopeberry leapt up from shock and hit her head on the ceiling. “Great Starclan!” she wheezed, turning around.

Nightgaze was there, staring at her with unreadable, narrow eyes. “Ugh,” he grumbled, shoving past her and grabbing a bit of cobweb with one claw. “One of your clan’s kits got a thorn in his paw,” he explained, his voice low as he pulled back.

“Nightgaze,” Hopeberry started impulsively, shrinking away as he turned his harsh gaze onto her.

“What,” he nearly growled, clearly irritated.

“Why are there deathberries here?” she asked, not breaking eye contact no matter how tempted she was to.

Nightgaze stared at her for an uncomfortable amount of time. Hopeberry couldn’t tell what he was thinking at all, but a small part of her suspected this was all to do with him. “I don’t know,” he said finally, voice cold. “Scarletfrost probably mistook them as something else. Clearly Starclan doesn’t know how to pick their apprentices; she was such a scatterbrained girl.”

A hot wave of defensiveness ran over Hopeberry, but her suspicions were what caused her to speak up: “Scarletfrost knows better than to pick deathberries,” she retorted.

Nightgaze’s yellow eyes narrowed. “Are you saying that _I_ don’t?”

 _“What?”_ Hopeberry’s eyes widened as he stepped closer, and she instinctively backed into the den wall. “I never implied -”

“I saw the look you had,” Nightgaze snarled, glaring seethingly at her now. “You don’t trust me. You think I put them there.”

“I-I-” Hopeberry faltered. Her mouth went dry.

Nightgaze scoffed. “The lack of respect you young cats have is astounding. I bet you were planning to tell someone, hm?” Before she could respond he thrust his muzzle into her face, teeth bared. “I don’t appreciate _lies_ being spread about me, Hopeberry,” he hissed. “So don’t try it.”

And he quickly pulled away, his features relaxing as his expression turned neutral. A thoughtful smile slowly grew on his face. Hopeberry didn’t know if she preferred this to how he was before or not. “Of course, you won’t tell anyone, though.” It was not a question, it was a statement. A fact, in his eyes. “Of course, who would anyone believe if you did? An idiot apprentice who went on a death mission to take down a bear, or a senior medicine cat?”

Hopeberry could recall when Drownstone first mentioned him to the others. _I think I’m more believable than a false-omen spewing lunatic,_ she thought indignantly, but she kept her mouth shut. “That’s what I thought,” he said in what almost sounded like a purr. He finally padded out of the den and Hopeberry let out the breath she was holding. _Foxhearted creep,_ she thought to herself, hating how quickly her heart was beating and how her legs were shivering. She tore her gaze away from where he last stood and glanced back at the deathberries. _I_ know _he picked them._ She glared at the wretched things. _Something bad’s going on, but I can’t risk anyone getting hurt in the meantime._ She took one last angry glare at the poison before heading out. _I’m going to catch him in the act and expose him, mark my words._

* * *

 _That was a close call._ It was painfully obvious that Hopeberry was on to him, but Nightgaze was certain he convinced her to keep quiet. _She knows she can’t win without proof, but I’m already clearing my tracks. Even Tangleclaw thinks I’m nothing more than a crazy scrap of fur._ He almost smirked to himself, but the mewling of kits stopped him. _Annoying little rats._

The mother, a dark grey she-cat, looked up at him. “Took you long enough,” he heard her mutter.

He almost snapped back a response, but bit it down, turning his attention to the grey and white kitten that was injured. He looked a bit like that one Breezeclan apprentice, the one that didn’t come back. His eyes narrowed. “Show me your paw,” he told him. The kit sniffled and held his paw that had the thorn in it. _It’s barely a splinter!_ He almost scoffed as he tugged it out, wrapping the kitten’s tiny paw with the cobweb as a drop of blood pooled in the thorns place.

“Thank you mister,” the kitten mumbled, staring up at him with wide eyes.

“Be more careful next time,” was all Nightgaze replied, standing. “I can’t be wasting my supplies on little mistakes all the time.” He padded off, barely leering at the mother as he passed.

 _What a joke._ From day one, he was really only in it for the prestige and the connection with Starclan. _And that all turned out to be nothing but foxdung!_ He was frustrated by the thought, but as he noticed Drownstone enter the camp his mood lifted. As she caught his eye, she immediately headed over. He smiled at her. “Hello, Drownstone,” he purred, brushing his neck against hers.

She didn’t return the action. “I haven’t seen Rainmeadow anywhere,” she murmured. “I think she’s avoiding me.”

 _Ugh._ “Drownstone, I told you, h- _she’s_ nothing but a burden on your shoulders,” Nightgaze meowed, forcing himself to sound gentle. “Why are you looking for her?”

Drownstone looked off to the side. “I feel really awful about what I said to her. It’s eating at me…”

“It shouldn’t be. Whatever you said, she deserved to hear it,” Nightgaze nearly growled out. In a softer tone, he added, “She never was a good friend to you, not like I am. _I’m_ the one that’s here for you.”

Drownstone flinched at the words, letting her tail droop. “It’s still not something a cat should say to anyone, it was a snakehearted move.”

Nightgaze growled lowly, his tail lashing. “Drownstone, listen. That she-cat is bad news and we both know it. You shouldn’t feel bad for what you said, just get over it.” He sounded like a jerk, but he was irritated. He couldn’t understand how Drownstone could care so much for her, and it was irking him.

Drownstone blinked, obviously a bit stunned by his words. “I don’t think it’s right,” she meowed stubbornly.

 _You fleabrain!_ Nightgaze fought to keep his claws sheathed. “Fine then, have it your way,” he muttered, stalking off to the medicine den. Thankfully, no other cat was there, and he quickly nudged the deathberries onto a leaf and bundled it to carry and dispose of. Holding the leafwrap carefully in his teeth, he slinked out of the camp. _There must be somewhere I can store these for now._ He eyed every bush and shrub he passed, finally encountering a dense, low to the ground bramblebush. He shoved the bundle deep under it and got to his paws. Confident they wouldn’t be found, he padded back to the camp.

“They were just here…” Nightgaze’s ears pricked as he heard a voice. The Breezeclan she-cat was standing just outside the den behind Tangleclaw. “I _know_ he put them here!”

“I believe you.” Tangleclaw sounded unusually soft. “We can’t get him in trouble for it without any proper proof, but I do think this is something he would do."

Nightgaze scoffed, narrowing his eyes. _Of course she would. Everything that comes out of my mouth is blasphemy but perfect Hopeberry can do no wrong._ He headed back out of the camp before Tangleclaw could see him and yell at him. _They’re both nothing but foxdung. All they do is get in my way!_ He glared back towards the direction of the camp. _This is far from over, Hopeberry. I’ll get you soon._


	12. CHAPTER 11

“Wake up, sleepyrabbit!”

Deadsky groaned and rolled over as Flickersong prodded him with a ginger paw. “Go away, Skypaw…” he murmured, barely awake.

“Huh?” The colorpoint cat tilted their head.

“Ah -” Deadsky suddenly jumped up, letting out a hiss of pain as he landed hard on his bad paw. “S-Sorry Flickersong - what, what’s up?” _How did I forget? They don’t even look alike!_ he scolded himself, trying to push away the feelings of nostalgia and grief that always threatened to overcome him.

“You wanna hang out with me, Scarletfrost, Rainmeadow and Hopeberry?” they asked. Judging by their tone and expression they didn’t mind the slipup, but Deadsky was too rattled to feel grateful.

“Uh - y-yeah, that’d be great,” he answered, and he gave his pelt a shake. _Think about anything else. Think about… think about your new friends._ He padded after Flickersong to the she-cats waiting for them. _Starclan, I’d rather die than have a breakdown in front of them!_

“Hey everyone!” Flickersong grinned brightly, settling down next to their sisters. There was a chorus of greeting in return, though only Scarletfrost’s seemed enthusiastic.

“So, uh, Hopeberry, what’s it like being a medicine cat now?” Deadsky asked, carefully positioning himself so he wouldn’t put weight on his broken leg.

The golden she-cat blinked, looking as if she had awoken from a daydream. “It’s great,” she replied, and while she seemed happy her voice had a far away tone. “I prefer it way more than Scarletfrost did,” she added jokingly, nudging her.

“Oh, it was horrible! I don’t know how you could enjoy it, but I’m glad you do!” Scarletfrost grinned. “I’m never taking being a warrior for granted again!”

“Me too,” Deadsky chimed in, elaborating as the others turned to look at him, “Dullcloud’s started putting me on patrols again.” He couldn’t help but smile from the thought. His body ached more than it did before, but it felt exhilarating to hunt again. His smile grew as the others congratulated him.

“I’m happy for you,” Rainmeadow meowed so quietly Deadsky almost missed it. She was crouched low on the ground, staring off at something. When he followed her line of sight Deadsky could see Nightgaze, speaking with Tangleclaw about something. Glancing back at the others, he could see Hopeberry staring at the dark tom as well, seeming rigid.

“Hey, this is offtopic, but you’ve noticed how… strange Nightgaze is, right?” Hopeberry murmured slowly, finally ripping her gaze away from him.

“Oh, yeah,” Scarletfrost meowed. “It’s fascinating, yet unnerving at the same time. What’s his deal?”

“He sees things,” Rainmeadow answered mechanically, staring at the ground. “Or he claims to. He’s a liar, and an all around bad cat.”

“Hm,” was all Hopeberry replied. The serious look in her eyes remained for a bit longer, but she relaxed finally. “Well, anyways, I guess I kinda miss being a warrior, but at the same time I really think I was meant for th-” She stopped as Rainmeadow suddenly stood and walked out of the camp. The others curiously watched her go. “I hope I didn’t say something wrong,” Hopeberry murmured.

“I don’t think that’s it,” Flickersong mumbled. Deadsky blinked as Drownstone walked through the camp. “She’s been avoiding her for days now. I don’t know what’s going on.”

“I…” Drownstone was here. _I haven’t spoken to her in so long,_ he realized with a pang. It wasn’t intentional, his lack of connection with his sister. It was the product of conflicting schedules, of little common interest. He spent a lot of time out with Flickersong and the others when he wasn’t patrolling, and she was… _I don’t even know where she’s been going lately! I’m an awful brother!_ Deadsky slowly got to his paws. “Sorry,” he meowed. “I need to speak with her.” After saying his goodbyes to his friends he limped over, cursing under his breath how fast she walked. “Drownstone!” he called out.

Drownstone spun around, and it was clear she was expecting someone else. She blinked as she recognized him. “Oh, hey Deadsky,” she meowed, a bit hurriedly.

 _This shouldn’t be so awkward…_ “We haven’t, uh, talked in a while,” he noted.

Guilt flashed in her eyes. “Yeah… I’ve been, uh… spending a lot of time with Nightgaze,” she murmured.

“Huh?!” Deadsky couldn’t stop himself from gasping. _Is this why Hopeberry brought him up before? He’s breaking the medicine cat code, they aren’t supposed to take mates!_ But, more importantly… “Weren’t you only into she-cats?” he asked.

“Of course I am!” Drownstone snapped, appearing more flustered than annoyed. It took her a moment to realize what he meant. “We aren’t mates,” she clarified. “We’re just friends, hanging out.”

Something told Deadsky that she wasn’t entirely correct, but he bit his tongue. “Oh… uh, sorry,” he mumbled.

“It’s fine.” She paused, her expression changing to one of surprise, and more amusingly, mild disgust. “Do cats think we’re mates?”

“Um… I don’t think so?” Deadsky really didn’t pay attention to this stuff, but the memory of Rainmeadow suddenly fleeing as Drownstone entered the camp resurfaced. “Rainmeadow probably does, though. I think she has a c-”

“Rainmeadow!” Drownstone’s ears suddenly perked. “Where is she, have you seen her?” There was a sense of urgency to her voice.

“Er, yeah, she just left the camp.” Deadsky sniffed the air. “You might want to wait for her to come back, if you need to talk. It smells like it’ll rain soon.”

“I have to talk to her immediately.” Drownstone quickly passed him, almost running to the camp exit. “I’ll see you later, Deadsky.”

“See ya…” He couldn’t help but feel a little hurt. _First conversation we’ve had in so long and she barely seemed to care._ But like Skyleap, and his leg now, he shoved the bad thoughts to the back of his mind. _Talonstrike always said it wasn’t good to do that, but what does he know?_ He began to pad back to the others but the sound of Dullcloud’s voice stopped him. Unable to resist, he quietly headed over and listened in.

“None of the patrols we’ve sent out since last moon have caught so much as a whiff of the bear,” the deputy reported. “I think we should plan to send a patrol into the old territories, to see if it has moved on.”

“And what if this is its plan?” Twilightstar sounded tired and sickly, but her eyes were alight with panic. “What if it’s laying in wait for another group of unsuspecting cats to fall into its clutches? He’ll use it against me again.”

“W-With all due respect, Twilightstar…” Dullcloud tilted his head, looking concerned. “I don’t think it’s smart enough to plan all of that. I do understand the risks, but leafbare is coming, and this area barely has enough prey to go around already.”

“It’s not worth it. Nothing’s worth it.” Twilightstar looked at her paws for several heartbeats. “I need to rest. Leave me,” she meowed finally.

“I’ll ask the other leaders what they think,” Dullcloud murmured.

“Fine, okay. Whatever.” Twilightstar turned and slowly entered her den, paws dragging against the ground. Dullcloud dipped his head and began to walk a way. With a jolt, Deadsky realized he was heading in his direction. He quickly turned and tried his best to make himself look oblivious, as if he had just arrived in the general area.

“Deadsky.” Dullcloud stared at him.

“Ah, hey, hey Dullcloud. Nice weather, huh?” It was dreadfully overcast. It looked like it was going to pour.

To his credit, Dullcloud looked up at the sky for a moment before looking back at the tom. “I know you were eavesdropping,” he meowed flatly.

“You have to put me on that patrol,” Deadsky blurted out. Dullcloud looked taken aback, but Deadsky stood his ground. _This is my chance to prove myself to everyone. I can be strong._

“It’s not confirmed to happen, you know,” Dullcloud pointed out slowly. “For all we know, the other leaders will disapprove.”

“If they _do_ approve, you’ll need a guide. I know where it lives,” Deadsky insisted.

“Well, so do the other survivors.” The sandy tom looked off to the side.

“My leg is fine!” Deadsky almost snapped. “I’ve been hunting and patrolling as well as any other cat, if not better!” Dullcloud didn’t respond. _Ugh! I’ll never get through to him!_ Deadsky spun around and began to storm out.

“Deadsky, wait!” He turned, attempting to suppress his hope. Dullcloud held his gaze. "It's not about your leg," he meowed softly.

Oh. _Oh._ "I'm not - I can handle it." The lie was bitter on his tongue, but he refused to let the bad feelings sink in.

“I’m going to speak with the other leaders about it soon," Dullcloud meowed after a brief pause. "If they approve of the patrol, I’ll make sure you’ll be on it.”

Deadsky almost impulsively jumped up excitedly like a kit, and it took all of his willpower to hold his composure. “Thank you, Dullcloud!” he exclaimed, unable to hide his excitement.

The tom smiled kindly at him. “It’s no problem, Deadsky. I was wrong to doubt you before, and you’ve proven yourself to be a excellent warrior.”

Deadsky was nearly vibrating from the rush of happiness he felt. He could barely mumble his thanks as the deputy headed away towards the warriors den. He was almost dazed, but as Flickersong called him he ran over with a new energy.


	13. CHAPTER 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter has references of child grooming. Please read with caution.

It was storming when Drownstone found Rainmeadow.

Mud seeped into the pale fur of Drownstone’s long legs. She knew Rainmeadow was avoiding her, but this was just ridiculous. _She_ knows _I’m following her._ But the grey she-cat refused to acknowledge her, only treading faster until finally, she turned. Her dull blue eyes met Drownstone’s with what appeared to be passive indifference at first glance, but Drownstone knew she was furious.

“Do you think I’m a burden?” Rainmeadow asked suddenly.

Guilt raked through Drownstone’s pelt like claws, but she tried to hide it. _She heard us… oh, Starclan how do I get out of this?_  Of course she didn’t believe Nightgaze - Rainmeadow was her friend, but what else was she supposed to say? It was just a fib to keep him from arguing further about her. She didn’t think Rainmeadow would be eavesdropping on them. And for a moment, she was almost insulted that she was, but was immediately hit with a sense of shame. _Her eavesdropping doesn’t matter. I still messed up._ “I don’t think you’re a burden,” Drownstone murmured, stepping forward.

“Then why are you with him?” At closer inspection Drownstone could see that Rainmeadow was shaking, but she couldn’t tell if it was from the chill of the rain or something else.

“He’s just - a friend of mine,” Drownstone stammered, but she knew that wasn’t all true. She saw the way he looked at her. It made her feel sickly.

“Oh, spare me!” Rainmeadow snarled. “I know you _both_ better than you think, Drownstone! He’s poisoned you! He’s infected your mind, trying to convince you he’s a good cat when he’s nothing more than a monster!”

“He _is_ a good cat!” Drownstone snapped back indignantly. She didn’t know whether she believed her words or not. The wind was howling now as she glared at the she-cat. “How could you say he’s a monster?!”

 _“Because I’ve been in your position, Drownstone!”_ Rainmeadow screeched.

Drownstone’s anger faded to confusion, and a sense of dread. Rainmeadow didn’t seem to regret her outburst, only slumping down onto the soaked forest floor. Thunder boomed in the distance, but Drownstone could hear nothing. “...What do you mean?” she whispered.

Rainmeadow seemed smaller now. Her fur clung to frame, she was hunched over, but she still held Drownstone’s gaze. “I’m going to tell you something that I haven’t told any other cat,” she meowed. “Not Twilightstar, not my father, not even Meadowshine.”

Drownstone didn’t like where this was going, but she forced herself to nod, sitting and wrapping her tail around her paws. What little Rainmeadow implied was already sinking in, cluing the answers of questions that Drownstone had never had the heart to ask.

“When my mother died of greencough, I didn’t think I had anyone else to go to.” Rainmeadow’s whisper was so quiet Drownstone could barely hear her over the storm. “My father was already grief-stricken as well, and I felt like I couldn’t talk to you or Deadsky about it. I knew you were busy with your own issues.”

Drownstone barely winced. _She’s right._ When she first became an apprentice, all she ever thought about was impressing her parents. It only took her until she realized Rainmeadow was almost entirely out of her life to realize something was up.

“But Nightgaze was so kind to me… he listened to me. He gave me feathers from my nest. He gave me flowers.” Rainmeadow was trembling violently now.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to -” Drownstone began.

“No.” Rainmeadow shook her head. “I need to.” She took a deep breath. “He said a lot of things to me. That I was skilled, that I was clever and special… that I was… handsome,” she choked out the word. “H-He said - he wanted me to be his mate, and I… I remember… I said I was too young. But he said it was okay, and I trusted him…” Her face was wet, and Drownstone could see it was not just rain, but tears. Drownstone slowly padded over, sitting closely beside her now. Rainmeadow let out a quiet sob and pressed her face against Drownstone’s chest.

“I didn’t know - that it was bad, u-until I heard Tangleclaw confront him,” she whispered. “She said it was odd for him to be spending so much time with me. She said it wasn’t right. And when I met with him again, I told him, that maybe she was right, but he - o-only said that she was a liar, that she was a mousebrain and she didn’t understand our ‘bond.’” She spat out the last word, a mix of guilt and disgust in her eyes. “He wanted us to continue, but I told him we couldn’t… and he said that if I thought what we had was so dirty then how could I explain it. He said it was _my_ fault, that he felt that way about me, that  _I_ was the one in the wrong. And if I told anyone then they would hate me.” Rainmeadow shivered. “And at that point I had already neglected our friendship so much, I blew you off for him so much that you wanted nothing to do with me. Deadpaw and I were never close, but he seemed to be less interested in me than ever. I kept that secret, but I was still hated. Maybe they already knew.” She let out a soft sigh, looking at nothing.

“Meadowshine was different. But now she’s gone… I was lucky, to have gotten the chance to know her before she passed. I’ll never stop missing her.” And finally, Rainmeadow looked up at Drownstone. “Drownstone, as your friend I can’t let you keep doing this. Nightgaze is poison.”

Any response Drownstone could’ve mustered would’ve been caught in her throat. She felt so much at once: pity, anger, guilt, horror, the urge to rip Nightgaze into shreds…

She didn’t know what to say. Everything made so much sense now, why Rainmeadow seemed so tired and aloof, why she was constantly making excuses to get out of camp, and this is what caused her first breakdown, she realized. _Nightgaze hurt her so much - she can’t even stay anywhere near him without getting nervous!_ Drownstone felt frustrated with herself for not realizing sooner, and her expression reflected that, her eyebrows furrowing with the disgust at her obliviousness and Nightgaze’s actions.

But Rainmeadow couldn’t tell, and she realized with horror as the grey she-cat’s ears flattened. She looked like she had when they witnessed the bear attacking the patrol with her and Stonefoot’s parents on it. “Rainmeadow, wait - I believe you.” Drownstone suddenly, impulsively pushed her muzzle against her cheek. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry this happened to you. None of it was your fault.” She could feel her relax against her ever so slightly, before she finally broke down. “It’s not your fault,” she repeated softly, wrapping her tail around Rainmeadow’s. Rainmeadow reciprocated the action, pressing herself closer to the albino cat, and it felt different than when Nightgaze had done the action. With Rainmeadow it felt right, it felt safe, and warm. With Rainmeadow, it felt like home.


	14. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter contains transphobic themes, intentional misgendering and forced relationship. Please read with caution.

“Chew it up more, you act as if you don’t have teeth!” Tangleclaw orders, though her tone isn’t mean or harsh; it’s playful. Nightgaze carefully watches Hopeberry whine and droop her shoulders.  


“It surely can’t be that my teeth are the issue, considering you have the softest teeth out of the elders!” Hopeberry laughs, earning herself a swat over the ears and a hearty chuckle from Tangleclaw. Nightgaze noted how grey her muzzle was turning. Hopeberry was right, for once. It stirred some bizzare jealousy inside of Nightgaze, how Tangleclaw acted so motherly towards Hopeberry. She had never treated him that way; instead, Nightgaze was greeted with disgust and contempt on a daily basis. He finally rose to his paws to leave the den, brushing against the ivy curtains blocking off the sunlight. His eyes were already adjusted to the darkness inside the den, so when he padded outside into the bright, lit camp, he had to squint. Slowly, he opened his eyes, focusing on a few cats pushing through the camp entrance. He sharply inhaled when his gaze met Drownstone’s. The warrior was carrying a large salmon, and she seemed to be rather proud of herself. Continuing on, he walked to the freshkill pile, letting himself smile as he approached the albino she-cat. I didn’t get what I wanted and deserved as Tangleclaw’s apprentice, but I can still get it now.  


“Lovely catch, Drownstone,” Nightgaze purred, watching her drop it atop the pile. “Do you have a moment? I have something I want to talk about.”  


“Uh, yeah,” Drownstone blinked, looking up at Nightgaze. Something felt different when their eyes met; she vaguely smelled of fear, her eyes hinted at wariness, her fur somewhat on end. Perhaps she had just frightened herself on the patrol, Nightgaze assumes, flicking his tail. Without hesitation, he set off towards the entrance of the camp, Drownstone hot on his heels. She trailed a little further behind him than usual; the distance between them seemed different too, he realized. Slowing down, Nightgaze brushed his flank against Drownstone’s and coiled his tail around hers. She seemed to tense against him. The path to the outlook felt familiar beneath his paws, and a purr rumbled in his chest as he appreciated the warmth of the body beside him.  


“So... What did you wanna talk about?” Drownstone asks awkwardly, and Nightgaze realized they’ve made it to the outlook already. Nightgaze sat down, turning his body to face Drownstone completely, smiling at her.  


“I want you to be my mate.” Nightgaze announced, his tail sliding through the grass in excitement. Truth be told, Nightgaze had issues feeling affection towards other cats. Sure, he had felt something like this for Rainmeadow when she was younger, yet they had ended on a sour note. The memory set something aflame beneath his pelt; she didn’t have a right to shut him down so bluntly, telling him that her age was an issue and that she never felt the same. Personally, he had never minded the age gap, but she seemed to be unapproving of it. Nightgaze wouldn't lose another possibility again.  


“Ah,” Drownstone murmured, her face contorting into one of worry. “I’m sorry, I don’t feel the same.”  


Nightgaze blinked, his smile fading. Anger festered in his chest. “What? Why not?” he asked, repressing a growl. “You obviously enjoy me! Spending your nights with me, the affection,” he trailed off, almost confused. “You have to like me!”  


“Nightgaze, I’m just your friend. I’m being nice to you, platonically.” Drownstone spoke, anxiety prominent in her voice. “I don’t even like toms!”  


“Yes, you do! Stop lying!” Nightgaze suddenly snapped, growling. “You seem to like Rainmeadow a whole lot, and he’s a tom.”  


“Rainmeadow isn’t a tom!” Drownstone instantly snarled back. Nightgaze barely listened to her, thrusting his muzzle against hers. He felt a sense of accomplishment when their noses pressed, muzzle brushing. He took the chance to push his head forwards, dragging his tongue against her cheek with a purr. Drownstone recoiled suddenly, lashing out her paw at him. Her claws raked across his ear and temple, and the black cat pulled back, snarling. He was greeted with Drownstone baring her teeth, her fur on end. 

“You must feel the same; we’re destined mates! You can’t deny this! We were always meant to be together,” Nightgaze growled, watching Drownstone’s face change. She looked sick, confused, in denial. He barely regarded this, his mind racing. I’m going to get what I want. Drownstone doesn’t have a choice; I am in control. 

Drownstone felt physically sick. Her head was spinning, and she just barely processed the words coming out of Nightgaze’s mouth. He was saying something about how gorgeous she was or something. She couldn’t tell. Lightheaded, she nearly fell over, but caught herself on her paws. This is exactly what Rainmeadow was scared about, and she walked right into Nightgaze’s trap. She shook her head in attempt to clear it, blinking rapidly. “I don’t get it,” she mumbled in her haze, looking up at Nightgaze.  


“Drownstone, I am your mate,” Nightgaze said flatly, “and you are mine.” Drownstone began to blank once more.  
“No, I don’t want to be your mate! You can’t make me!” Drownstone replied forcefully, her chest frozen like snow. Anxiety welled up, mixing with panic. It made her head throb, her throat constrict. Last time she had felt like this, Tangleclaw told her she was having a terrible panic attack.  


Nightgaze completely ignored her statement, standing up and storming off. Left alone, her claws sunk into the ground, unable to control them now. Her body trembled and spasmed as she gasped, unsure of what to do, who to tell, how to get rid of him. She assumed she was having another panic attack, the cold feeling infecting her bloodstream. Her tail fell limp with a thud, and with some effort, she managed to turn her head to where Nightgaze had gone. Unfocused eyes inspected the trees and foliage, unable to locate the black tom, Nightgaze, her new ‘mate.’

Rainmeadow wanted nothing more than to stay in her nest all day, to sleep and dream of Meadowshine, but she forced herself out into the forest regardless. Hopeberry still hasn’t been able to reach her, and Rainmeadow hasn’t had a single dream of the torbie herself. It was an uneasy feeling, like ants crawling through her fur, knowing that with every day that past, she was forgetting Meadowshine’s scent. She was forgetting the sound of her voice. Admittedly, her memory was never perfect, but after the attack it seemed worse. The missing pieces of her memory were growing more frequent and it was terrifying.  
Rainmeadow flinched as Nightgaze came seemingly out of nowhere. The fur on his back was barely spiked, a sign of his annoyance, and it rose as he noticed her. She almost cringed on instinct; the fear she had always felt from him had been amplified after the bear attack, but regardless she held her ground, refusing to look away. He seemed almost taken aback by her behavior, but any confidence she could've felt dissipated as he smirked at her. It was a look of superiority, of victory, and it was then that she realized something was terribly wrong. Her legs remained stiff as he brushed past, but the moment he was gone she bolted, following his scent back to where he was.  


She was greeted by the sight of Drownstone, hunched over at the Outlook, but something was terribly wrong. Even from the distance she was at, Rainmeadow could see she was shaking violently. Frantically, she ran over, only slowing the last few tail-lengths so she wouldn't frighten her. “Drownstone, what happened?” she asked softly, dreading the answer.  


Drownstone didn't stop trembling, but she turned back to face her. “Nightgaze is making me be his mate,” she choked out. Her voice was raspy and small, so unlike the strong and assertive voice Rainmeadow was used to. She sounded like she was going to be sick.  


Rainmeadow padded closer and sat down beside her, gently brushing her tail down Drownstone's back. “I'm sorry,” she murmured, admittedly having not fully registered what she said. She tensed as the words sank in, and suddenly she was flooded with panic and concern for Drownstone. “He didn’t hurt you at all, did he?” If he even thinks about touching a hair on her pelt I'll rip him to shreds!  


Drownstone shook her head, but she looked so upset that Rainmeadow could hardly feel relieved. “I-I clawed him,” she whispered. “What if he tells someone?”  


“He wouldn’t,” Rainmeadow assured firmly. “He deserved it, and he knows that. I don't think any cat would punish you for hurting him back.”  


“He will,” Drownstone whispered, barely looking reassured. Rainmeadow almost went to lick her cheek and comfort her, but she knew all too well the feeling of discomfort the action brought after Nightgaze did it. “I should’ve listened to you before,” Drownstone meowed before Rainmeadow could say anything. “If I did, I could’ve distanced myself from him soon. I wouldn’t have let him think he had a chance.”  


“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Rainmeadow pointed out quietly. She held the albino she-cat’s gaze. “You told me yesterday that it wasn’t my fault, and now I’m here to tell you that. Nightgaze does what he does because he’s a rotten, evil cat with no regard for anyone except himself. You did nothing to provoke him, nothing to deserve any of this.” She breathed in, her sight dropping back to her paws. “I know all too well how this feels, Drownstone. If you need to talk to anyone at all about this, or about - about anything troubling you… I’m here.”  


Rainmeadow’s chest suddenly tightened as Drownstone gently rested her head on her shoulder. “Thank you,” she murmured, the tremors in her voice now gone. She could barely nod in response, feeling nothing but compassion and fear for her clanmate.


	15. CHAPTER 14

“I’m completely convinced she used to be a warrior.” Hopeberry spoke, and Deadsky shook his head.

“No, no,” he replied, “just because Snowstorm’s buff doesn’t mean she was a warrior.” 

“But she’s huge! Have you ever stood beside her?” Hopeberry boasted, eyebrows raised. “She’s so tall, it’s scary!” 

Deadsky laughed, almost snorting in a bit of rabbit meat when he leaned down to take a bite. “I think you’re just jealous because you’re squishy.”

“Hey,” Hopeberry glared playfully, laughing when Deadsky kicked her belly softly with his good leg. 

“What? I’m just being honest.” Deadsky replied. 

“It’s mostly fur, you mousebrain,” the golden she-cat laughed, taking a bite from the rabbit.

Drownstone padded her way over to the two gossiping cats. Deadsky looked up and blinked, attempting a smile. “It’s been awhile,” Drownstone sighed, slowly lowering herself to the space beside Deadsky. He chuckled.

“That’s a little weird coming from my sister,” Deadsky replied, placing his head on Drownstone’s shoulder with a hum. He sounded playful, but she could hear the strain, and she instantly placed a lick on his head. 

“What’s wrong?” Drownstone asked, wrapping her tail around his body. He grunted, and she mentally prepared for the waterfall of words that he was about to spew. 

“Twilightstar still thinks I can’t do anything,” Deadsky began. “I can catch my own prey and I’m doing so much better with my leg, but when Dullcloud and I approached her about me going on the mission, she refused! Why doesn’t she think I can take this on?”

“Whoa whoa, what mission? Take on what?” Drownstone asked, confused. Deadsky tensed. 

“We want to send out a patrol to see if the bear left or not.” Deadsky murmured, and Drownstone nearly ripped his ears off. 

“Deadsky!” she hissed, some sort of sisterly instinct kicking in. “I won’t let you do that!

You’re strong but that’s a whole bear!” she nearly yelled, like a queen disciplining her kit. “I knew you were a rockhead, but this is going across the river!” Deadsky didn’t have the time to duck away from a swat to the head, making him grunt. 

“I don’t think you have the time to stop me from doing it, anyway.” His mildly disgruntled look turned to one of mischief. “You and Rainmeadow have been attached at the paw all day!” Deadsky teased, and Drownstone’s face instantly heated up. “What? You two are mates now, right?” 

“Well -” Drownstone began, her voice small.

“Drownstone!” Rainmeadow called, making the albino warrior whip her head around to look at the large she-cat. “Come on patrol with me!” 

Deadsky shot Drownstone a smug glare when she turned back to look at him, and she felt the urge to punt him again. She turned back to the grey warrior, calling, “Okay! Give me a second.”

“Good luck, lovebird,” Deadsky purred as Drownstone stood up. She turned, whipping her tail over his nose in some sort of irritated embarrassment. 

It didn’t feel awkward anymore. Granted, the last time Rainmeadow and Drownstone were out on the same patrol they fought bitterly, but now it just felt nice. The sun was shining through the cracks in the forest roof, constantly shifting due to a breeze she could barely feel due to the trees protection. The patches of light felt warm and comfortable on her fur, though the grass was frosty beneath her paws. She noted that most of the foliage was wilting - the blue flowers she saw commonly seemed to bleed out, becoming cracked and dead. Closing her eyes, she simply sighed and pressed her flank against Rainmeadow’s, relishing in the warmth found beside her. 

“You’re too tall,” Drownstone slurred quietly, “stop growing. I’m supposed to be the tall one in Stormclan.” 

Rainmeadow laughed, the noise sending a jolt of heat through Drownstone’s body right to her ears and face. Rainmeadow had grown quite a bit - she was muscular and tall, standing only a bit above Drownstone. The albino she-cat opened one of her eyes to inspect the scars delicately carved into thick muscle and silky fur, and decided that she really didn’t mind that Rainmeadow was that much bigger than her. Beside the grey warrior, Drownstone felt nothing but comfort and security and unspeakable admiration for her. It was odd, she thought. She was a hotheaded apprentice, and she should've been kinder to her denmate, but of course, pettiness got the best of her. Yet, Rainmeadow still cared - she still felt it too. Now, Drownstone didn’t feel the need to be an uptight warrior bound to the code, clawing for validation from her peers, praying that they’ll feel proud of what she’s accomplished because she knew Rainmeadow will always be proud of her. She didn’t have to prove herself to Rainmeadow, but she did have to apologize. 

“Hey,” Drownstone murmured. “I’m sorry for snapping like that when we went hunting together. I should have listened to you. I really am sorry, Rainmeadow.”

“It’s alright,” Rainmeadow replied softly. ”I understand; you felt like you had nobody to go to, yeah? And he took advantage of you and made you think he was good. You trusted him, and I get that you were so mad when I talked mousedung about him.” 

Drownstone smiled. “Yeah, but that doesn’t change the fact I was ignorant and didn’t listen to what you had to say.” 

“I think that’s just how you act normally, Drownstone,” Rainmeadow teased, bumping her flank against Drownstone’s playfully. “You know, albino cats are prophesied to be Starclan’s best sent angel but you’re pretty mean.”

“Hey!” Drownstone laughed, shooting a glance up at the she-cat. 

“That’s enough,” Antfoot called from in front of them. “Stop acting like kits. At this rate, we won’t be done with this patrol until sunset.” 

Drownstone smirked, finding no venom in her former mentors statement, but Rainmeadow’s brain was on a different track. “She’s allowed to act like one. After all, her kithood was ruined by a bear.” 

Drownstone and Antfoot shot surprised glances at the buff warrior, and Antfoot almost looked impressed. “That’s cute,” Antfoot purrs, “you two are finally playing nice.” 

Rainmeadow tries to look passive, but it was obvious she was extremely embarrassed by her outburst. Drownstone smiled, whiskers twitching. 

“Yeah, it is pretty cute. Who knew such a big strong warrior could get so flustered by a senior warriors comment,” Drownstone purred, and Rainmeadow looked down at her, her expression changing to a playful one.

“Yeah? I’ll show you big and strong!” Rainmeadow laughed, before tackling Drownstone. The two she-cats rolled across the frosty grass, and softly, they both landed in a pile of fallen leaves. Rainmeadow laid her body across Drownstone’s, pinning her down with her paws beside her ears. Drownstone stared up at Rainmeadow for a moment, taking it all in. The sun was gently shining on her face, her eyes lit up like a gorgeous glinting lake, deep and easy to get yourself lost in. Her grey fur shone a dark gold under the sunlight, her freckles beautifully strewn across her scarred pelt. She felt absolutely entranced by this she-cat. Without a second thought, she moved her muzzle towards Rainmeadow’s, and the latter did the same. Their noses brushed together in a way that made Drownstone’s heart leap - this was love. This was nothing like Nightgaze. She closed her eyes and purred, licking Rainmeadow’s cheek gently before nuzzling into her fur. It all felt so right, and she was kicking herself for not realizing before: she was in love with her. She wasn’t mad that Rainmeadow was breaking the code before, she was jealous. And though the bear’s attack on them brought trauma and pain, it also brought new opportunities...

“Rainmeadow…” Drownstone’s meow caught in her throat. This is selfish. This is mousebrained. I can’t expect her to feel the same - she just lost Meadowshine! But Rainmeadow was blinking at her patiently, waiting for her to continue. I don’t think I have a choice to back out now… She swallowed, looking up at her.

“Do you want to be my mate?”

Drownstone knew Rainmeadow wouldn’t be able to answer right away, but the pause was still longer than she expected. She certainly looked taken aback; shocked, but not in a bad way.

“Um - yes, for starters,” the she-cat began, and Drownstone could feel a small smile grow on her face. “I… can't help but feel guilty about saying that, though. I've been developing a crush on you since Meadowshine died,” Rainmeadow admitted. “I think my short-term memory has gotten worse, but I've been getting flashes of before, when we were friends, and it made me realize how much I missed being with you.” She settled down beside her, their pelts touching. “I still miss her, and I always will, but it's been so hard for me to ignore how I feel… and I'd love to be your mate.”

Drownstone purred, nuzzling her face against Rainmeadow's. “I was scared this might be too sudden,” she whispered. “It hasn't been long since I was a total foxheart to you. I still feel awful about the things I said, and I never meant them, I promise, but I don't know how to make up for -”

Rainmeadow slapped her tail over her mouth. “Drownstone, I told you it's fine.” She smiled. “You don't have to make up for anything. Plus, I've gotten used to your sharp tongue.”

“But it's never been that sharp -” Drownstone tried to object.

“Shhhh.” Rainmeadow rolled on top of her. “I told you it's fine, yeah? I don't hold it against you.”

“You're crushing me!” Drownstone gasped, unable to hold back laughter.

“Oh, I'm sorry, I guess I should move.” Rainmeadow slowly got to her paws.

“No, don't! I like feeling you against me.” Drownstone wrapped her paws around her, pulling her close. Everything felt so nice, and so right… 

The two were smiling, curled up together in the grass without a care in the world. Antfoot better not interrupt us, Drownstone thought drowsily, but a part of her felt like everything would be okay. She found her home.

Drownstone and Rainmeadow’s tails twined gently as they walked back to camp, Antfoot on their heels. A little behind them, the second patrol was rolling in, consisting of Cindernose, Coalfoot and Doestep. The chill that hung around earlier in the day had faded, but Drownstone didn’t pull away from Rainmeadow’s warmth. She was overwhelmed by love for the she-cat, her former rival, now her mate. Despite everything that’s happened to us, it feels like everything will be okay, she thought happily, letting out a purr. She glanced to the edge of the camp.

Like a bubble, the feeling of warmth and bliss suddenly popped, and it was replaced with ice cold fear that crawled through her chest like frost. Nightgaze was there, glowering at them. His pale yellow eyes were narrowed, showing nothing but hatred.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter contains transphobic themes, and intentional misgendering. Please read with caution.

_That no good, pathetic, cowardly, wretched tom!_ Nightgaze lashed out, scoring his claws against the tree that made Twilightstar’s den. _He took her from me! He fooled - he_ manipulated _her to make her think she doesn't love me, and now he's taking her for himself!_ There was no other time that he wanted to poison Rainmeadow more than right now, but Hopeberry and Tangleclaw were still shooting distrustful glares at him when he so much as looked at a yew bush. _If only that bear could've gotten them as well,_ he brooded. The vision he had of it was unfortunately the last; even when he tried to reach out to it he saw nothing but darkness. _Would be a shame if it had passed. That creature was the best thing to ever happen to me._ He pulled himself away from the tree, giving it one last scrape for good measure, and padded back into the camp.

“We wouldn't go far.” Nightgaze could hear Dullcloud’s voice from the hollow that Silentstar made his den. His eyes narrowed. He always hated Dullcloud; the tom was clearly suspicious of him and treated him differently than the others. _And he’s always bending over backwards to follow Twilightstar. He'll have to be dealt with at some point._ Silently, he padded over to listen in.

Silentstar’s eyes were narrowed in thought. “...How can I be sure this isn't sabotage?” he rasped, tail twitching skeptically.

Dullcloud seemed taken aback. “Silentstar, I'd never do that,” he meowed.

_Of course you wouldn't._ Nightgaze rolled his eyes at how offended Dullcloud sounded.

“But can you say the same for your leader?” Silentstar growled. There was a gleam to his eye; Nightgaze could see anger boiling inside of him. “She put you up to this, I assume.”

“She didn't,” Dullcloud assured gently. “But I promise, she's never been out to get you or your clan.”

“Tell that to my grandkits,” the old tom said darkly, getting up to his paws. Nightgaze could see Dullcloud stiffen. Suddenly, Silentstar blinked, and looked beyond the deputy. To his alarm, his eyes met with Nightgaze's. “You. Have you received a sign?”

Dullcloud whipped his head around, and he stared at him with an indignant outrage. Nightgaze could feel his pelt warm up. “I'm sorry?” he meowed politely.

“Has Starclan warned you of the fate of this patrol? Will any cats die?” His eyes were wide; he seemed to desperately await the medicine cat’s answer.

“No,” Nightgaze meowed after a small pause. It was the truth, after all - he really hadn't seen anything. It was unlike them, those torturous puppeteers, to pass up an opportunity to hurt him or the clans. _Lightning doesn't strike twice, I suppose._ Perhaps they didn't want to cause a repeat of the apprentice's broken path; it would be boring to them, and him as well. _Or perhaps it will happen, but they're withholding that knowledge._ “Starclan would tell me if their fate was doomed.”

“Very well then.” Silentstar dipped his head, not taking his eyes off of Nightgaze. “If Starclan deems it safe, I’ll allow one of my cats to join you.”

Despite the outcome being in his favor, Dullcloud looked extensively put off. “Silentstar, I would consult your own medicine cat instead,” he murmured with thinly veiled contempt.

“Why?” Finally, Silentstar tore his eccentric gaze away from Nightgaze. “He's trustworthy enough. Gifted, too. Starclan has blessed him with insight no other cat had. I think your clan’s lucky to have him.”

While the insinuation of his _curse_ being a _good_ thing was certainly grating, Nightgaze couldn't help but smirk at the leader's following statement, and more specifically, Dullcloud’s reaction to it. It looked like his eyes were going to pop out of his head. He opened his mouth to say something, but… what could he say? “Uh - um… thanks, Silentstar. I'll tell the others, then,” Dullcloud finally spluttered, shooting one last look of disbelief toward Nightgaze before padding off, mumbling, “this can’t be real,” under his breath. Nightgaze’s smirk grew.

* * *

News of the patrol spread quickly throughout the camp, and Deadsky couldn't help but feel a bit prideful whenever it was mentioned - though the pride often coincided with dread. He was settled beside Flickersong and Scarletfrost, kneading at the ground with his forepaws. He wanted nothing more than to find joy in how he was selected as a scout for his clan, but it was getting progressively harder for him to ward off his thoughts of mourning and depression. The victories he had clung to before felt like nothing now, nothing but mere distractions that took his thoughts away from the tragedy. He felt like there were ants crawling up his pelt, and being on the constant defense to fight off memories of Skyleap was taking a toll on him.

“I can’t believe they’re letting this happen,” Flickersong meowed. Deadsky turned to peer at them. They looked… excited, but there was something else he couldn’t place. “Has Rushstar talked about who she wants to send?” they asked their sister.

Scarletfrost blinked. “I don’t think so. I haven’t heard anything.” Her voice didn’t hold the same eagerness that theirs did. “You aren’t thinking of volunteering, are you?”

“I may,” the colorpoint meowed breezily. “It might be good for me.”

_Good for you?_ Deadsky snuck a glance at them. Not once have they ever discussed the bear attack with him. He knew it took a toll on Breezeclan, killing several warriors, their medicine cat, and even taking one of Rushstar’s lives, but how did that affect them? They always seemed cheerful, but could that have been a front?

“Although -” They let out a chuckle. “- I might hold the group up with my stubby legs. I was _exhausted_ by the time we got here.”

The others shared a quiet laugh, but Deadsky couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off. Maybe it was something he ate, but he felt so uneasy…

“I’m not sure if you should go on it…” Scarletfrost meowed, hesitance in her voice. “It might be dangerous.”

“The bear hasn’t been scented in over a moon! And perhaps we’ll be able to get it this time.” Flickersong glanced towards Deadsky. “It’s leafbare, after all. It must be weaker.”

“You seem confident,” Deadsky pointed out softly.

Flickersong gave their chest fur a quick lick. “Just optimistic, really. It’d be nice to give the bear what’s coming to it.”

_And what if we do?_ Deadsky was hit with a horrible sense of deja vu. They’d all be heading back to their own territories, and Scarletfrost, Flickersong, and Hopeberry would be his enemies. A chill ran down his spine as he realized how similar this situation was to the previous mission. _I just wanted to prove myself, but - Starclan, this might actually be a horrible mistake!_ He dug his claws into the ground. _What if it’s laying low to make us let our guard down? It’s waiting for us to come to it again, like fish down a stream!_

“Deadsky, are you alright?” Scarletfrost asked quietly. There was concern in her tone.

“F-Fine,” he forced out. He felt ill. _It’s all the same..._ “I’m fine. I gotta go.” He got to his paws, beginning to pad off.

“I hope everything’s okay with him,” Scarletfrost murmured. “But I did need to talk to you about something.”

Flickersong stretched their front legs out. “What’s up?”

“I don’t think it’s right,” she meowed after a contemplating pause. “For you to want to go on this patrol, despite everything.”

The colorpoint looked up at her. “What isn’t right about it?” they asked, defensiveness creeping into their voice. “I want to help us regain our territories.”

“I don’t think that’s true.” Scarletfrost looked over at them. “You know that when we return, the borders will come back. You won’t be able to hang out with Deadsky anymore.”

“I know that…” Flickersong blinked, looking off to the side.

“And I know that you still aren’t over Paleshade.”

Flickersong’s eyes lit up with anger. “You can’t _expect_ me to -”

“I don’t!” Scarletfrost refuted. Her gaze fell, eyeing them sympathetically. “She was your mentor, and no one should force you to move on faster than you’re able to. But… killing the bear won’t bring her back.”

“But it deserves to hurt.” Flickersong’s claws slid out. “For Paleshade, and for Deadsky, and for the fallen apprentices, and for all of the clans.”

“I know it does,” Scarletfrost whispered. “But none of our strongest warriors has been able to defeat it. You can’t win this battle.”

Flickersong’s eyes narrowed with determination and anger. “Watch me,” they hissed, stalking away.

* * *

“Let all cats old enough to catch their own prey join beneath the Highbranch for a meeting of the clans!” Rushstar called out.

_This is it._ Fear was gnawing at Deadsky. _I don’t think I’ve ever missed him more than I do now. I just want to curl next to him and lose myself in his eyes…_

“After much discussion, the three of us have decided to send out a patrol of cats to scout our territories. We have found no trace of the bear as far as the Great Maples, and it is now reasonable to believe that the bear may be gone.” She paused, waiting for the murmurs of relief and thanks to Starclan to die down. “We have selected the following cats to attend the patrol: Pebblestep of Moonclan -”

A she-cat that looked almost exactly like Berrysplash stood within the crowd. _She must be their mother,_ Deadsky realized. If her pelt didn’t give it away, the look in her eyes certainly did. They held grief and longing, but there was also determination shining within them. The loss of over half of her clan, her mate, and her kits have clearly taken a toll on the she-cat, but she was continuing anyways. “- Doestep, Cindernose, and Flickersong of Breezeclan -”

Both Deadsky’s and Scarletfrost’s eyes snapped over to Flickersong. They looked back at their sister almost challengingly.

“- and Dullcloud, Jaywhisper, and Deadsky of Stormclan.”

Murmurs began to break throughout the crowd, and he could hardly stop the fur on his back from raising. _They think I'm not good enough. They think I'm weak._

“What's the fuss all about?” came a loud voice. Deadsky's eyes widened as he saw Drownstone standing, glaring challengingly at the crowd. “Deadsky is a remarkable warrior. He can hunt and fight better than the rest of you, with only three paws!” Her scorching gaze swept through the cats. “If anyone has any doubts about him going, _I'll_ change their minds.” He didn't miss the glint of her claws as they sank into the earth.

“I don't think that you should be threatening cats,” Dullcloud began quietly. “But she's right. I know Deadsky will be a good asset to this mission.”

Deadsky couldn't help but smile. _I'm glad they have so much confidence in me… but if only_ I _had some as well!_

“...Moving on,” Rushstar continued, narrowing her eyes at Drownstone. “The plan is for them to travel as far as Twolegplace, but if even a stale scent of the bear is picked up, they _will_ return immediately. There won't be any bloodshed or even contact with the bear.”

Deadsky didn't miss how Flickersong's eyes narrowed, and Pebblestep's tail lashed, but neither objected. _I_ do _want to avenge Skyleap and the others, but… I know I can't face off with that thing again. I barely made it back the first time._ He glanced at his broken leg. _Starclan, I hope none of the others plan on disobeying her._

“The patrol leaves at sunset,” the leader finished. “If everything goes according to plan, we should be back in our rightful homes by the next full moon.” She leapt off the treebranch and headed to Silentstar, who was watching from the roots of the tree.

There was a knot in Deadsky’s stomach as he rose to his paws. _She said we’ll be turning back at the slightest hint of danger, he repeated to himself. There’s nothing to be worried about._ He padded over to his sister, still sitting in the center of the clearing as the other cats dispersed around her. “I wanted to thank you for sticking up for me,” he meowed after a nod of greeting. “I… figured you’d be against me going.”

“I am.” Her eyes narrowed, if only for a moment. “But I know I can’t change your mind, and Dullcloud reassured me that everything would be okay. You better not try to attack it, though!”

“I won’t!” Deadsky promised, the knot getting tighter. _She should be scolding the others about this, not me!_

“Good. If you come back injured, I’ll bite off your other hindleg!”

“I’d like to see you try!” He jokingly headbutted her shoulder, laughing as she pawed him in return. It was moments like these where he realized how much he missed her, and cherished her as a sister. _I’ll stay far away from the bear, if only to see her at the end of our journey._

“You should get some rest,” Drownstone murmured, smiling softly at him. “Hopeberry and Tangleclaw are putting together travelling herbs for you.” The joy faded from her expression as she spoke, and Deadsky felt a similar sense of pain as he remembered their former quest.

“I suppose I should,” he sighed. “I’m really not that tired though.”

“Well, I’m going to go hangout with Rainmeadow, but I’ll see you before you leave, okay?”

“Rainmeadow, huh?” He smirked.

“Shut up!” Drownstone whacked him with her tail. “We… we’re mates now.”

“About time!” Deadsky exclaimed. “I always thought you two were gonna end up together!”

“Ugh!” Drownstone glared at him, clearly flustered, but they both knew she was happy. “Just go away before I rip your ears off!”

“Don’t gotta tell me twice!” Deadsky grinned, padding to his nest in the warrior’s den. He sank down into the moss and curled up, slowly drifting off.

* * *

“Wake up! Today’s the big day!”

“I _was_ awake,” Deadsky muttered groggily, opening his eyes to see a familiar fluffy cream cat standing over him. “Honestly, you can’t ever let me wake up on my own time, can you, Flickersong?”

“Who?” Skypaw tilted his head.

_No._ “What - huh -” Deadsky looked around himself frantically. _This isn’t the warriors den!_

“What’s wrong, Deadpaw? Mouse got your tongue?” Skypaw laughed, and nudged him with a paw. It felt like ice.

“S...Skyleap?” Deadsky breathed.

“Huh? Deadpaw, you aren’t making any sense.” Skypaw blinked at him worriedly. “Are you okay? Drownpaw said we’re close to the bears den, but if you aren’t ready we can try to stall for another day. I’d love to, actually.” He laughed nervously.

_This isn’t real. This can’t be real._ He was in the den they slept in - in Stormclan territory - the day they were attacked by the bear. _It’s all too much!_

“Here, let’s go outside and talk to her.” Skypaw nudged him to his paws, and Deadsky stumbled outside the den.

_My leg’s still the same…_ He glanced down at it, almost relieved to see that out of everything at least his body was normal. But as his eyes adjusted he could see the puncture wounds reopening, and then blood trickling, and then pouring out of them. “Skyleap, what’s going on?!” he cried out, falling back.

“What do you mean?” Deadsky turned to face him, feeling his blood run cold. Skyleap was bleeding from the horrible wound on his chest that had killed him, dark blood staining his pale fur and dripping from the wounds that began to grow and spread along his body. “Everything’s fine, Deadpaw.”

Looking around himself he could see the ground was stained red with blood, and the corpses of his friends were surrounding him, but it wasn’t just the ones who had originally fallen, but Drownstone and Rainmeadow and Hopeberry as well, Rockclaw, his father, and mother, Flickersong, Scarletfrost, Dullcloud, the entire patrol and every cat that had fallen at the paws of the bear - they were all here, corpses scattered and crowded around him. And above him loomed the bear itself, pelt stained and maw oozing blood, and below it stood what looked like a smaller bear - but its eyes were an all too familiar and cold shade of yellow. Nightgaze’s eyes. He screamed, but he could only choke and cry, paws stuck to the ground; the bear’s teeth flashed and a deafening roar sounded as it lunged towards him -

“Deadsky?”

He blinked, and just like that the bodies were gone and he was back in the warriors den, but it wasn’t okay. It was so real, and it _hurt,_ and he wanted to cry because he knew that he wanted to go back, if only to see Skyleap again.

“Deadsky, are you okay?”

He looked up, and Hopeberry was standing over him, looking concerned. More than that, she seemed terrified, so he sat up quickly and doublechecked his surroundings. It was real this time.

“I - just came to bring you your herbs…” He glanced down, noticing the leafwrap at her paws. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“We can’t go…” Slowly, his gaze travelled up to her face. “We can’t go on that patrol. We’re going to die.”

“Deadsky,” she began.

“I had a dream of it - we were all dead, and… Nightgaze was there, but we’re going to die on this patrol. We have to call it off.”

“Nightgaze…” A disturbed look crossed Hopeberry’s face, if only for a moment. “You won’t be in any danger. This isn’t like before,” she meowed. Deadsky didn’t miss how her body stiffened. “You’re on a patrol with several experienced warriors, and none of you will come in contact with the bear. You’ll only be tracking it.”

_We were so foolish before,_ he thought miserably, comparing Dullcloud’s plan to their own. He forced the thoughts back, looking up at Hopeberry. “It just seemed so real,” he whispered.

“I know it did,” she murmured, pressing her nose against his cheek. “This trauma, it’s our burden to bear, but you won’t have to deal with it alone. We’re here for you.” She pulled away, blinking comfortingly at him. “Your memories of the nightmare will fade before you know it. It’s time for you to focus on the present.”

Her words soothed her, and Deadsky found them to be correct; already his heartrate was slowing and the scent of blood was leaving his nostrils. “Thanks, Hopeberry,” he meowed finally.

“No problem,” she replied, smiling barely. “You think you’re ready to head out now?

He wasn’t, but he nodded regardless. “Yeah. I think I am.”


End file.
